Harder they fall

I reached my limit today. I have been going so hard for so long that I think I made myself sick. And I mean SICK! I slept the entire day away. I couldn't think, function, nothing. I haven't felt like that is a long time. 

Things I learned by this:

1. Choose your priorities.

2. I need 8 hour of sleep a night. 

3. I need to continue to eat right.

4. Choose your priorities. 

What I am going to do to fix it:

1. I love to dance so I need to make a realistic schedule that allows me to do that one class a day.

2. I like the Bikram but it takes a lot out of me. I am going to quarantine that to only the weekend. 

3. I need to leave time to just relax. I found out on Tuesday, after taking a personality test, that people with my personality have a hard time relaxing. I always feel like I have to be doing something. Always. 

4. I need to be in bed by 10 at the very latest. That means I can be up by 6 and at work by 7 leaving me some bible study time. 

5. I am feeling deprived for some reason. I binged a bit the last couple of days and it made me feel yucky on top of being sick. I need to find out that reason. 

6. I think I am changing too much too fast. 

I am not sure what I hoped to accomplish with this post. A bit of sick girl ramblings I guess. Oh crap. I already messed up on number 4. Off to bed I go. 

4 Weeks and Counting

Ladies and gentlemen....prepare to be amazed....drum roll please






It has officially been 4 weeks since I have had any soda. Nada. Zinch. Nothing.

Thank you. (bowing) Thank you. (bowing again)

And Just for Fun

I was driving down 16th Street last week and passed this guy walking down the middle of the road. Enjoy!

Why is it?

We know what to do. We know how to make it happen. We know that if we were to do these simple steps our life would be so much better. And yet we don't do it. Why? What is it that makes us ignore the things that will ultimately make our lives easier? For example, I pack my lunch every day for work. When I prebag everything and hard boil the eggs on Sunday I have a much easier time getting everything together throughout the week. Yet last night I just didn't wanna. I wanted to go to bed and worry about it tomorrow. What would I have done for food today? Who know but I didn't want to do it last night . I was ready to climb into bed and that nagging voice drug me into the kitchen where I did all I needed to do in about 20 minutes. 20 MINUTES! That is nothing compared to having to worry about it throughout the week.

Another example is I am supposed to track my food every day. Weight Watchers "gives" you a certain amount of points everyday and you are supposed to make sure that you stay within that number. When I religiously tracked I saw results every week. I stopped when I life went to pieces and guess what happened to my progress? You guessed it. It fell to pieces to.

Yet another example is I feel better when I go to bed early and wake up early so I can read the Bible before work. It always starts my day off so much better then when I don't. Do I do it consistently? No. Why? Who knows. It is like I like not functioning at 100%.

I could probably come up with another 100 examples of things I should be doing but don't but I need to figure out why. It might be as simple as laziness but then there might be something else behind it.

Does anyone else struggle with this or am I a unique beast?

My Favorite Things #1

This stuff is A-MA-ZING. I bought it at Trader Joe's after Jen from Express MiE showed me their salt scrub. I am not a salt scrub kind of person but next to their salt scrub was this yummy tangerine sugar scrub. I love it! It feels so good and smells so good I just want to eat it. My skins feels amazing after I use it.

And on the 7th Day...

She rested and rested and rested and rested. I am exhausted. I was planning on attending the Salsa Pump class tonight but I am spent. Completely and utterly spent. This weekend is going to be relaxing.

Tonight: Mini MiE Vacations and then sleep (lots of it)
Tomorrow: Bikram at 10:00, grocery shopping, Zumba at noon and then home to do nothing except maybe attend the Burlesque show that night.
Sunday: Bikram at 8:00, church at 11:15, bible study at 2:00 and then home to get ready for next week.

Emmy, this is a public challenge to get you to a dance class or Bikram when you are in town on Monday. Do you accept?

So wait...What?

I attended a workshop put on by Express MiE with Patrick Ward of Optimum Sports Performance last night and was surprised how much I got out of it. Some of the stuff was the "duh, I can't believe I never figured that out on my own" kind and others were quite eye opening. The most enlightening tidbit I got out was on goal setting. I love to set goals but suck at completely achieving them. He said there were 7 steps to goals setting. I listened intently, took notes, and somehow only got 6. Oh well.

1. Know what you want. Be specific.
2. Know why you want it.
3. Know when you want it.
4. Tell people about it.
5. Know the price. (can either be monetary, time, or effort)
6. Pay the price.

Patrick also had several quotable comments. My favorites were:

~ You get what you train for.
~ The best diet is one you can do forever.

Unfortunately I had to leave partway through the workshop so I feel like I missed out on a lot. Fortunately, Patrick has a blog on his website that really spells things out and I encourage you to go take a look.

What is the definition of forgiveness?

What constitutes complete forgiveness? This was discussed at my Tuesday night group last night and the answers were varied. It got me thinking. I think of it as more of a journey. For example, if you have a friends that really hurts you and later apologizes, you forgiving them does not mean that you have to pick your friendship up where it got left off. You can forgive someone but choose not to continue a relationship with them. I do think that if you forgive someone and you choose to continue a relationship you can't use that forgiven hurt against them. That is where I failed.

When I caught Daniel drinking the end of March I had still not completely forgiven him from when I caught him earlier that month. I said I had but I was still walking out the hurt so when I caught him again, with the lying bigger then the first time, it was close to the surface and easy to access. I let it destroy me. I have finally given that relationship up. I am done worrying, hurting, struggling, and basically holding his hand through it. I am tired of being the "bad guy". Either he gets his act together or he doesn't. It is not my job to fix him. That can only be done through Him and my husband has to be willing to participate. If he doesn't then there is nothing left to do but move on.

I have not forgiven him nor has he asked for it. I need to stay hurt for a while so I don't move back into the position to get hurt like that...once again.

What do you think is true forgiveness?

I Got In My Own Way

Yesterday I had an awesome day. I ate really great and worked extra hard in the Salsa Pump class (mainly because Josefa managed to make that bad boy a little harder) . I popped by my mom's art show (photo below). I was feeling really awesome and then the crap happened with husband and everything went to poo. I ate some of the red velvet cake in my fridge and that guilt crept in...you know that guilt...it sneaks in the side door watches you make your mistake and then TA-DA! There it is. Then disappointment joins guilt and you are spiralling down the road of how crappy you as a person are. The reality is I did not eat a very big piece of cake but I did emotional eating. That is my problem. I was not hungry. I was angry, hurt, sad, dejected, heartbroken, disheartened, and pretty much any other word with comparable meanings. At least I recognize it now. Maybe next time I will catch myself pre-cake if you know what I mean.


Mom,
I am so proud of you and your photograph. You are very talented and people loved it!

I thought this photo was so funny because I think the gal on the right kinda looks like a skinnier version of me. What do you think? No? Well...I thought so...

Daniel brought me flowers.

So pretty. Orange is my favorite color.

Bikram - Before and After

I loved it. I am glad Josefa got me to go. It is a total challenge of the mind. We are going again tomorrow. I am not a sweat-er but let me tell you 103 degrees and 40 percent humidity brings it right out of you.

My Kids

Maddie is a chocolate lab and Blanche is an African Spurred Tortoise.

Sneaky Sore

I took the GI Jane class yesterday and was kinda sore today but nothing too bad. I even mentioned to Leann at the beginning of Zumba class that I thought that Salsa Pump was harder and then...we started dancing. Wow. Am I sore. Sneaky sore.

I am super burned out too. I have been burning the candle at both ends and I think it has reached the center. I am in that state where you overwork your body and it is just beat. I think I am going to cancel Salsa Pump tomorrow and do the Mini-MiE Vacation class. I have a long weekend that goes something like:

Friday - class and then sleep over at my place (heck yes...don't lie...you would totally dig that)

Saturday - Bikrim yoga class from 10 to 11.30, wedding from 1.30 to ? And then bowling after that.

Sunday - church, lunch at the grandparents, bible study and then the Hillsong concert.

Can you tell I am trying to fill my days to not feel my emotions? Yeah...

Some of the survivors

Tonight was the first GI Jane class and WOW! It was tough but all nine of us survived. That class wil be in my schedule whenever possible. Go Josefa!

The picture isn't that awesome but oh well. Enjoy!

Holy Cow

So I went to Dr. Bosch's today and she did my resting metabolic rate test. It started off pretty good. She had me lay on my back on the massage bed and just rest for a second as she described REE/VUE test. So far so good. Then she had me put this breathing thing in my mouth (kinda like the breathing tube on an asthma machine). Still so far so good. I got all comfortable with that and then came the nose plug. What the...who the...? I literally thought I was going to pass out which is completely ridiculous because I could see the air coming in (because of the air flap). After I stopped being dumb and she gave me a little foot massage I was able to relax a little more. The test lasted for 20 long minutes.

We went over the test results at the end and I was surprised by several things. First, my estimated calories used during 30 minutes of moderate exercise. An average person my size and age doing moderate exercise for 30 minutes would burn somewhere around 300 calories. Me? 175. Are you freaking kidding me?! That was pretty frustrating but we talked about ways to increase it such as taking more dance classes that are resistance based as opposed to cardio based. (Can we say hello to all GI Jane and Salsa Pump classes.)

Second, I burn almost 500 calories just walking around and doing my everyday activities (which I found out is good). That was neat because I am always that person who parks in the back because I am too lazy to look for a closer spot and would rather walk. It was funny because Dr. Bosch used that exact example as an idea to get that number even higher.

Third, the test said that in order to maintain my body exactly as it is I would need to eat almost 2300 calories per day. Uh...I would become huge in no time if I were to eat like that but who am I to say. Anywho, it was pretty interesting to see those numbers and now I feel like I have measurable numbers I want to improve upon.

Fun side note! I will put my updated measurement up this weekend and be on the lookout for some new fun stuff. Cheers!

More Hair Changes

I dyed my hair too. It is so dark that it almost looks black. I love it!

Oh No!

I am so bummed out! I decided that I was going to go to class tonight before a party I am going to but Zumba is no longer on Tuesdays at 5:15! What is a girl to do? I think I am going to hit the 5:30 Burlesque class. Oh! My heart is so broken.

Comments on Comments

Comments don't really get any kind of attention so I wanted to highlight a couple of them so my response it more public-ish. I hope no one minds.

EmmySue said...
So I just did some catching up on your "new" blog. Glad to finally be up to date. Do you ever go back and read your old blogs? If not you should. You have come so far and progressed so much. From the day I met you, till now, you've become a much different person, in the most wonderful way. I am so happy I was able to spend some girl time with you this weekend. It was so great. Cold Stone was a little weird... ahhh... memories.So I need some major help. As I was reading through your old posts I noticed your bravery in taking pictures of yourself. When we went on vacation I didn't want any pictures of myself because I HATE the way I look. When I look in the mirror I want to vomit! I can't believe I let myself get this way, and I don't want my kids to remember or know me this way. I want to keep up with them and raise them healthy. Why is food so darn good?! And necessary... You look amazing and seem so motivated. I have NO motivation or energy. Come the end of the day I just want to crash... not go running. How do you make time and find energy? Ugh!Anywho... Thanks again for a fun weekend and pray that David gets a job up there... so we can have more frequent fun weekends.

First off, I totally understand the feelings you wrote above. I still hate seeing myself in photos and my body has changed a lot in the last couple of months. It is hard to think back to what I *used to* look like compared to now. Second, I wish I could say it was my very own personal motivation but if it came to me having to go for a run at the end of the day I would still look the same as I did a few months ago. My motivations comes in the package of Express MiE. I love to dance so I aligned myself with the kind of place that could keep me interested. In fact, I love it a little more each time I go. Like last Thursday when I did my first Irish jig from beginning to end at tempo. For anyone who has taken that class you know how hard it is. I love discovering new dances and "perfecting" the old ones. I love the women that I meet and work out with everyday. Last, it is my greatest desire to take you on a shopping spree at JoAnn's the day after Thanksgiving. Whatever I can do to help I will do. You are one of my most valued friends and I want nothing more then for you to succeed and the icing on the cake would be if you were to move up here. (Then you could come dance with me. Also, I am dragging you with me next time you are up here. No if's, and's or but's about it.)

Kristy said...
I always wonder why my post doesn't show...Then after I send it 17,000 times I realize you have to approve it first! Ha,ha. Am I the only one who does this???

I have totally done the same thing. I have it on comment moderation because I have people that try to post spam or other things that don't relate to this blog. I am pretty good at keeping it up to date so I hope everyone understands.

Scott said...
I remember you saying in the Zumba class that you liked your hair short.....did you run to the hairdresser right after class and cut it?! :) It looks great!

I laughed so hard when I read this post because that is exactly what I did. I have had the same woman, Angie, cut my hair for almost 6 years. My hair has been super short to the longest length being what I was on Saturday morning before I cut it. I am lucky that Angie works at Fantastic Sam's but I would follow that woman anywhere. She knows my hair better then I do. It also helps that she knows by the look on my face when I am ready for a change. She freaking rocks!

Self Reflection

Every now and then it is important to really look at yourself, your life and the things that are and aren't working. That being said I did a little of that today.

1. My attitude sucks. My SIL said the most powerful thing to me on Friday when I was crying about some things at work. She looked at me and said "suck it up". She was absolutely right.

2. Ever since my doctor appointment on Monday my eating has been crazy. I got to thinking about why and realized that I was looking at it like I only got to eat grains once a day instead of I GET to eats grains once a day. Again, a total attitude change. I have eaten far more grain in the last 6 days then in the last 6 weeks. I ate stuff I normally wouldn't touch. Us humans are funny creatures. It also comes down to lack of planning. One of my favorite quotes is "when you fail to plan you plan to fail". Story of my life this week.

3. I have not been reading my Bible like I should be. I am kinda mad at God right now and my retribution was to not give him any time. How's it working for me? ... Not so good.

4. Keeping busy. I am so freaking busy I barely have time to shower. I book myself from sun up to sun down. Eventually you break. I need to stop this madness before I get to that point.

5. I have not touched soda since Tuesday morning. I am so proud of myself. I thought that sparkling water was nasty at first but now I kinda like it. Funny how the moment I stopped expecting it to taste like soda I stopped hating it. Again...attitude. (Are you noticing a theme here? Me too.)

6. I am sure there is more but I am so tired I can't think.

Here's to a new Attitude for me.

I cut my hair off

I finally gave into the fact that I don't like my hair long so I cut it off.

More Fun

It was recommended to me by one of the gals (thank you!) at the studio to post an email address so if you want to send me a message you can. I took that recommendation and a link to email me can be found on my profile and I posted it below just for fun. Also, feel free to comment on any of my posts. I love reading what people have to say so please comment away!

itsallaboutmie@gmail.com

Tonight I am delving into the world of scrapbooking. I have never been a scrapbooker but have learned that a TON of people are. It is at my church and my SIL, who is visiting from Tucson, is also going to be there. I am pretty nervous because all of the other girls are going to be so much better at it then me but...breath... (insert mantra here) "I don't have to be awesome at it to have fun". I am just going to make a frame insert instead of a whole scrapbook so that takes some of the pressure off. *sigh* I will post some pictures of the fun.

Tomorrow will be fun! I am (trying) getting my SIL to come do the Zumba class with me. Then I am decorating Easter Eggs which I love doing. Then I am going to do nothing for a while and finish up with my church's Easter service and dinner with friends. I am super stoked. Sunday I am also going to the Easter Service since I have a couple more people who are going to join me. Life is well!

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

I met someone at the studio on Tuesday that told me about their experience of pushing themselves out of their comfort zone and it made me think about when was the last time was that I did that. When I couldn't remember then I thought maybe I should do it. So yesterday I wore shorts to work out in. I haven't worn shorts in over a year. That is totally lame compared what she did but still a step forward. I included evidence so you know I am not making it up.

My Poor Body

My poor body is totally trying to recover from this weekend. My nose and back are peeling and my wind blown shins are so chapped. The guys at work told me I was like a pheral cat. Running wild on the weekend and when I get there on Monday they hose me off and put me to work. They are so right...my work week supports my weekend habit.

My Personal Recipe

I think this blog is a great example of the fact that there is no one miracle cure. It is about aligning yourself with the correct parts and pieces that when used together help you become a whole person. My parts and pieces are written out below in order of when they were added to my personal recipe.

1. My relationship with God strengthened by my church, Christ's Church Scottsdale
2. Express MiE
3. Weight Watchers
4. My community of friends, One Tuesday Night
5. Iluminar Therapy

Yeah! It's not just MiE!

I approached Christie, the owner of Express MiE, a couple of months ago to get permission to blog about my experience using Express MiE to get back in shape (hence this blog). When I talked to her about that I talked in detail about me. I talked about my struggles with being content, about my poor body image, weak confidence, mood swings, and undiagnosed depression. Christie listened and then eagerly shared something that helped her a great deal, metabolic (hormone) therapy.

Christie introduced me to Dr. Bosch of Iluminar Metabolic Health about 6 weeks ago when we happened to be at the studio at the same time. A very professional woman that looks the part that she is preaching and that is overall health. I was able to visit her as a patient for the first time yesterday. It was kind of a weird experience because I am used to the conventional doctor that is all about charts and graph's and spends little time talking to you. She asked me to tell her about my life. I hesitated because I didn't know where to start. She prompted me with a question and everything came tumbling out. My verbal diarrhea ended with "I am just plain tired". It felt promising because she did not focus on all of the things going on around me but instead on the things that were in my control and that is my health. It was funny because she said "you are not alone". That was super comforting to me because that means that other people have gotten past it. That is also the point of this blog. I know that other people must struggle with the same things as me and if they were to know they were not alone then my goal has been achieved. It sucks feeling alone.

Dr. Bosch laid out a plan of action for me. Some of which I listed below.

1. Stop drinking soda - I don't think I have ever been so relieved as when she told me this. I am a diet soda addict and there is a difference between stopping on my own and stopping because my doctor tells me it is better for my health. Even though I know it is I needed to hear "No More".

2. Diet - Weight Watchers has helped me a ton but Dr. Bosch repositioned me as far as what direction to go. She wants me heading toward more fruits and veggies.

3. I was also given a plan of what supplements to take. That was super helpful because I am by no means an expert at that so it is nice to have someone who actually knows about it give me guidance as to what to take.

To give you all a baseline of where I am starting Dr. Bosch asked me to chart 0-10 how energetic I feel. I told her 4/10.

The Grand Canyon

Amazing. Absolutely amazing. If you have never been before then you must add it to your to-do list. It put me in awe of how great God actually is.

Friday - We (my husband and I) arrived at the canyon just after 2:00pm. We went to our campsite and set everything up. The sky was cloud covered but not too bad. We then decided to explore a little. We went through Market Plaza to the rim trail and da...da...daaaa... we could not see the north side of the canyon because of the clouds, storm clouds. Uh...that can't be good. We decided to head back to the campsite and that is when the flurry's started. By the time we got back to the campsite our tent was covered as was our picnic table and pretty much everything else. We copped out and went to the cafeteria to eat. Surprisingly good food. It continued to snow throughout the night.



Saturday - After a rocky start of fighting about dumb stuff we made it to the canyon edge. A little later then planned but had we been on time we would have just been stuck at the Plaza anyway because the roads were frozen and the buses weren't running. We got to the South Kaibab trail at 10:00am and started down. It was freaking freezing but oh so beautiful. The view from the canyon top is nothing compared to the bottom. I have hiked down to the bottom twice before and that was the plan this time but due to time we turned back after 3.5 miles (halfway). Just to give you an idea of the cold at 1.4 miles down the temperature was 31 degrees with gusting, freezing wind. You know the kind...it cuts right through you. We got back and relaxed by the fire.

Sunday - We were tourists. I have never done the tourist thing of taking the bus to all the view points and that is what we did. It seemed like every view was more breathtaking then the last. We were able to see a little wildlife besides the squirrels. We saw 2 separate herds of elk and a coyote. They seemed completely unconcerned with us. Let me tell you though...I am glad to be home.

I took 2 dance classes last night but my calves we kinda sore from the hike. I am so glad I took the classes. I feel almost 100% today. The classes pushed me past comfortable and broke up the feelings in my legs. One of the classes I took was Bollywood Babes. That class becomes more and more fun each time I take it because I am starting to get to know the moves and it feels less silly everytime. Erin also chose some faster music so it leaves you feeling a little more worked out then when you are starting to learn. I followed that class up with Salsa Pump. Yikes! That was a stretch. It was the kind of class that I had to really breath through each move and not focus on the tightness. Josefa talked about the GI Jane class starting next week and I am pretty excited to give that class a go. I love a good butt kicking.

Tonight I have a Zumba class before my church small group. I love that class because you can just go and dance and not worry about learning a routine. Plus I love LeAnn so that makes it great too.

Pre Grand Canyon post

Here is a picture of my poor wind burned leg. It was so cold.