Make It Fun and It Will Get Done

Please note that this entire post has come pretty heavy content that some may not want to read.

Judy said...

Let me see if I'm understanding this: You are giving up things you love and bring you joy because your house is cluttered and you aren't doing things perfectly?

Diana Duncan blogged over at Lucy Monroe's. I want to know what you think after you read it. Here's the link to make it easier: http://lucymonroeblog.blogspot.com/*. I imagine you'll have to copy and paste.

*Specifically: http://lucymonroeblog.blogspot.com/search/label/Diana%20Duncan

Well, if that isn’t food for thought I don’t know what is. By stopping a lot of my activities temporarily am I “hording the good stuff”? I thought and thought and thought about it and I finally came to the conclusion that “yes, a clean house is not the most important thing in the world” but “when it is crippling your ability to function properly in the rest of my life” then it becomes extremely important. If I am not comfortable in my own skin and my cluttered house stops me from inviting people over who I want to see or limits me in any way really then it is important to address it. I need to get my life to the point where it is a lot easier to maintain.

To put my life into perspective I wrote out my entire schedule and when I am not sleeping, working, teaching, volunteering for my church, working out, hanging with friends or any of the other tireless activities I do I have approximately 8-10 hours of week to do other things. That may sound like a lot but I haven’t accounted for cleaning, laundry, eating most meals, reading and hanging with my dog. Add those things in and I am down to no free time or time to spend on my long term goals like eventually working for myself.

I am giving up the fun stuff so that I can work on some goals I have wanted to pursue for a long time. For example, I want to get my graphic design business up and going. This week I was granted the rare opportunity to design a PowerPoint presentation for work. I know that sounds awful to some of you but I was so stoked! I worked 2 10 ½ hour days in a row and the time flew by. By the time I got up to leave I felt like I had just started. On top of that my design came out extremely well! I forgot what it felt like to have the time fly like that. I could design for days. What happened? Why did I stop? I was in the top of my class. I was one of the best designers. I graduated with a 3.8 and then…nothing. Absolutely freaking nothing. It isn’t like I haven’t had people who wanted me to design for them. My Godparents had a couple of really great projects that I never really put my time into. Why? Did I lose my nerve? Was I too consumed with everything else going on in my life? What? What is it that is keeping me from pursuing a career that I truly love? Fear of failure? Fear of success? Fear of rejection? Fear of actually following through with a goal? Fear of working for myself? Fear of having to rely on project pay rather then a base pay? Fear of losing money when I choose to take a vacation day? Fear of something else completely? Is the fear I am feeling the reason I am filling my life up? So I don’t have to feel it?

I think that finding out the reason behind why we do or don't do things is far more important then anything else. There is always a method behind the madness. It is finding out what the method is that we have to do in order to reduce the madness. I guess that is what the point of my post was the other day. I don’t want to live in the madness anymore. A prime example of this is I don’t swim in oceans, lakes, rivers, and I have to be freaking hot to finally give into pools. I didn’t use to be like that. When I was a kid we were in the pool non-stop. Whenever we went to the beach I was in the water and would find sand for weeks in places you could never imagine. When I lived on the dude ranch there was 50 lakes within 50 miles. We would go to the lake. We would swim. It was fantastic. Then I stopped. I enjoy looking at water. It brings peace to my soul but I won’t step foot into it. I could never quite pinpoint the time where I went from loving it to avoiding it until I was talking to a girlfriend just a few short weeks ago.

When I was 20 I worked at the dude ranch and loved it. I worked 6 days a week, ran the dining room serving 4 and 7 course meals, taught archery, helped with trap shooting, taught line dancing, participated in a sweat lodge every week, and more. I was also dating a guy twice my age that wasn’t the greatest to me. (I have a habit of doing that.) Since the dude ranch was seasonal I would help with hiring in the wintertime. The last winter I was there we had a girl from NJ join the team. She was 27 and this was her first adventure away from home. A couple of weeks later we had another girl, 19, join the team. I worked at the desk next to the 27 year old and hiked everyday with the 19 year old. Two weeks after the 19 year old joined the staff the three of us were going to go into town to watch a baseball game. Last minute my boyfriend told me I couldn’t go so I didn’t.

Later that night one of our roommates busted into our room crying uncontrollably. There had been an accident. The girls I was suppose to be riding with hit a 90 degree turn going 80 mph. The 19 year old, who was driving, was knocked unconscious and eventually drowned because the people in the car behind them couldn’t get her out in time. Turns out the bar served her. When they tested her blood her blood alcohol level was .18. The legal limit for someone over 21 is .08. The other girl? Nowhere to be found. The owners of the ranch flew her Mom out the next day. She stayed for the next 2 weeks and eventually left without her daughter. Since I was the main person both of the girls had talked about, guess who ate with the 27 year olds Mom most of the days she was there? Guess who listened to the Mom talk about having dreams about her daughter stuck in a meadow somewhere and not knowing where she was? Guess who walked all of the meadows around the accident to not find anything? Guess who went into the 19 year olds room the day after she died to get the box she was going to be buried in? Guess who toured the 19 year old family around and helped them pack her belongings when they came in to town? Guess who took the call 3 months later that the 27 year old had been found face down in the river by 2 fishermen? Me. Turns out the water was so cold that she immediately sunk and because she went into an old logging river the divers couldn’t find her.

That night changed me. I broke up with my boyfriend a week or so later. I stopped really eating and exercised a lot. I lost 30 pounds in 6 weeks. I left the end of the summer season without saying goodbye to anyone. I don’t swim anymore. Now I know why.

So often we get focused on the “what” they we forget that there is a “why”. The “why” is important. I want to find out why I feel this insane need to have a full schedule. I want to find out why I feel this insane need to keep everything. I want to find out why I am avoiding stuff that is super important. Only after I figure out the why can I do something to change it for good. My removing my distractions and through the help of God I hope that I will figure out my why. The sooner the better but that isn’t usually how life works out.

My Mom sent me a really awesome email with the quote I used as the title of this post. "Make It Fun and It Will Get Done". Why didn't I think of that? I try to live my entire life by having fun. I am going to put some thought into ways that I can make getting my life in order fun. Loud music? Check. Good company? Check. Lots of fun stuff to look through and maybe get rid of? Check. An awesome walk down memory lane? Check. Wish me luck!

*I just realized that I didn't see the real quote my Mom had sent me. I really liked both thoughts so see the real one below. Thanks Mom!

"Out of clutter find simplicity; from discord find harmony; in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." ~ Albert Einstein