Makin' It Happen

If it is even possible to be more excited then I was yesterday morning then consider it done. As the day progressed more and morE and moRE and mORE and MORE came to light. I'm dead serious. It's like the floodgates of heaven have opened up and are pouring out on me. Not gonna lie...it does make me a bit nervous about when it will all end but until then I am hopping in a canoe riding right on down with the rainstorm.

Let's see...what developments have happened since I woke and blogged yesterday morning? Too much to even write about but let me just put it this way. BIG THINGS! I also don't want to spoil the surprise. I want to finish the items up and then unveil each one here as I roll them out. I! AM! SO! EXCITED! Can you tell? Today is going to bring even MORE ideas and excitement as I am meeting someone for lunch and I am just bursting at the seams to make things happen. It's time. It's really time. I know I have talked about making things happen for quite a while now but THIS. IS. IT. I feel like I have found my calling in life and I don't ever want to go backwards. I need to keep this motivation freight train going! Who's with me?!

So Much To Do...So Little Time

How did I even have time to work at the ballroom studio?! I mean...SERIOUSLY! It's only been one day and I already have so much going on. My excitement is growing by leaps and bounds. The fascinating part of it all is I haven't reached freak out mode. At all. Not even a little bit. In fact, I'm so pumped I can hardly see straight! I have several appointments tomorrow and another on Friday all to move me towards more of my goals. Am I glad that I stopped and took the time to work at the ballroom studio? Yes but only because it allowed me to learn A LOT about myself. My day tomorrow will be starting at 6am and going strong all the way through an appointment at 6:00 tomorrow night. I have some organizing and cleaning to get done at my house due to trying to fit everything in plus ballroom plus my friends plus my family plus my boyfriend but the great part is I can do a once over on EVERYTHING in less than an hour. Crazy, huh? It is absolutely amazing how far I have come in the last two years. I'm proud of myself and so extremely thankful for everything that God has done for me. I better get to bed. Early to rise means early-ish to bed...

End Scene

I quit the ballroom studio today. That's right. I quit. I gave 2 weeks notice but the nature of the situation is I was done after my last single male client. What caused me to do this? Well...many things actually. It has been leading up to this for quite a while and I finally just plain did it. When I first started doing it I thought it would be a fun, hobby, part time job but I quickly realized that it is a life commitment. A life commitment that I am not willing to make. Why you ask? That's a good question because that is a question I asked myself over and over and over and over again. I tried SO hard to make it work. I mean HARD but I just couldn't get my heart into it. I would then go to the pole studio and completely and totally rock it. I would then go back to the ballroom the studio the next day and that passion was...well...gone. I mean nothing. I kept rationalizing that there was no difference between the 2 studios. I mean I was teaching people to dance at both places but there was a difference. My passion for it.

I love working with women. I love the clientele that the pole studio gets. It was magnified after I did my first beauty consultation a couple weeks ago. My heart was SO in it. Then I went to the ballroom studio and...nothing. No passion. None. It was quite confusing for a while because I loved it so much but I have come to find out that what I loved was the dancing part which was fine to dance with anyone until I danced with someone I was really into. That changed everything too. I'm not sure why but it did. Anywho, the point to all this is I really started praying about what I should do careerwise and it came back as a resounding answer...move on. The kicker was last night as I was on my way to my pole class. I had a really conversation with God. I said, "God, I'm not sure what to do about the ballroom studio but the fact of the matter is my heart is not in it. At all. Not even a little. If I am supposed to be there can you please give me peace and if not can you help me to know that too. When I arrived at the studio I talked to Hannah and bit and headed into my class. After my class, which rocked, was over I headed out and Hannah surprised me with the fact that one of the other instructors decided to stop teaching come January and would I be interested in picking up those classes. Um...YES PLEASE!

I'm kinda babbling now but the fact of the matter is I don't regret working for the ballroom studio because I learned a TON about myself. I mean a...TON!!!!! I can't wait to see where this road takes me. I feel like I have really come into my own these last couple of weeks. Go GOD!

Well...That Was Unexpected

I saw my ex this past Saturday and...I literally felt nothing. Not gonna lie...that was a totally unexpected feeling. I'm not sure what I expected though. I most certainly knew there wouldn't be any lingering feelings but I guess I just expected something. I loved that man, right? Looking at him though I couldn't muster up anything. That's good I guess. I means that I am truly over everything. Oh! I guess I should should explain why. I found some of his stuff and he had some of mine so we exchanged stuff. I felt like I was talking to a complete stranger. I'm sure he probably felt the same thing.

Anywho, after I saw my ex I got my world completely rocked. One of my brothers, the one just younger than I am that got married in March, came over to help me with something. We were talking and he said, "I have some news." Where do you think my mind IMMEDIATELY jumped? That's right. I instantly thought that they were preggo. Yahoo! I was already shopping for a baby gift when he interrupted my shopping trip to inform me that he and his wife were, in fact, moving to China. In 3 weeks. The lip quiver started in approximately 2 seconds quickly followed by the flood of tears. He is one of the most amazing people that I know and while I know that they are making the best choice for them he will be sorely missed. I guess it gives me someone to go visit now. That was essentially a day full of conversations or experiences I never expected.

Moving Forward

I have some big plans that are FINALLY coming into fruition. It all started yesterday morning as I was looking a myself in the mirror. I started really paying attention to how much my body has changed. I mean REALLY changed. I kinda settled on that thought for a while and then headed to the gym. When I got to the gym I saw my trainer and the words just popped right out of my mouth. The moment I said them I knew they were right. I am finally starting to train for the fitness show. Starting today I have to follow an extremely strict diet plan for the next 10 days just so he can see how my body responds. It isn't unmanageable but it is very specific. I am so excited to see where it all goes. I went through this process a couple of years ago but quit due to several reasons. One of which was I got kinda eating disorder-ish about it. I refuse to go there again and he and I talked specifically about that. I am also excited to see where my body goes because I have a much better muscle base now then I did before so the end result should be much better. I decided on the July show so I have plenty of time to make things happen. There is no rush. This is going to be a fun process. No matter what. This is going to be fun. 

This weekend should be bringing the end of everything that has to do with my marriage. Wahoo! It has been a long time coming. This means that I will be passing the 1 year anniversary completely done with the experience. I have busted my ass to address all of baggage that came along with that and I must say...I did a mighty fine job. So much has changed since I started this blog last January. I am proud of me. God has done a once over like no other.  Not gonna lie...I SUPER EXCITED to see where the next 6 months takes me. 

The Waiting Game

It is absolutely amazing what has happened in the last couple of days. I am constantly in awe by everything that I am surrounded with. This all started last Thursday when B and I left for Tres Dias. We had the most wonderful conversation as we drove up and upon arrival all of the preparations we had been making for the last several months came into fruition. Mine was a little different due to the fact that my position was changed shortly before the weekend but as we all know, with God all things are possible. Thursday ended just fine but Friday was a whole other story. My job for the weekend was extremely difficult and with little time for preparing before I was left running the entire day. Luckily I am surrounded by some of the most amazing women I have ever met who never let me get away with anything. I was called to the carpet and kindly told to adjust my attitude. It worked. Saturday morning I woke refreshed and with a whole new outlook. The interesting part is the last time I worked Tres Dias I was so present in the experience. Everything about it completely rocked my universe. This time..not so much. I felt like I was watching everything happen. At first I tried to blame the part I was playing but Saturday night I realized it was me. I wasn't showing up. I was allowing myself to be separate. In fact, I was keeping myself separate.

It's funny how we do that to ourselves. We isolate ourselves and try to hide from some of things that are happening in our lives in order to...I have no idea. I finally sat down with someone on Saturday night and let a whole bunch of things spill. The biggest and best was how out of control my finances felt. I had a HUGE epiphany at that point. I don't trust God with my finances. For some reason I seem to think that he will will take care of me in every other department but finances...not so much. When I finally acknowledged that and laid it down before him a massive weight was lifted off of my shoulders and so much has already changed. There are so many different directions I could go and so many different things I could do but I am waiting and praying. Waiting and praying. Such an interesting concept for me. I don't do a whole lot of that.

Happiness and I Mean True Happiness

On Sunday I was given one of the best compliments I have ever received. I was told that in this person's opinion I am a truly happy person. Isn't that awesome?! They went onto say that even though there are things that go wrong and that there are obstacles that's all they are to me....just things." This isn't verbatim but it is close. I was on cloud nine after that. I love that my happiness isn't based on circumstances or things that are happening to me because if it was then right now I would be struggling a bit due to some things that are going on. Don't get me wrong I have some fantastic things that are happening but there are also some not so fantastic things. I'm still happy.

In other news, I have been working so hard for so long to get my life in order and I finally feel like I am getting close to how I want to be. The weird part is how I am kinda (read: really) feeling like, "now what?" My place is completely purged and how I want it minus getting photos on the walls which will be happening next weekend and getting a dining room table, couch, 2 book shelves and a buffet table. Those things are secondary though so not a big deal. My body is almost to where I want it. Speaking of which I am long overdue for photos. I will post new pictures on the 28th along with updated measurements. It is going to blow your mind! I also am really happy with how my hair is looking. I am still in the process of growing it out but when I look it at it doesn't feel like a work in progress anymore. It is like so much I have been striving for came to a close all at once and I am left with all of the other things, like getting my design business up and going, I have been conveniently avoiding due to all of the other stuff I was working on. My excuses are gone and I am both nervous and excited all at once. My real life gets to start now. My office is completely set up so I now just need to start making myself get in there and make things happen. I also am really excited to get going on teaching women how to do their makeup. I have found that I am really passionate about helping women feel better about themselves. I want to do more of that.

See? So many good things happening along with some troubling things but it doesn't matter. My happiness isn't based on the outside things. It is something that lives inside of me. I am so excited to see where everything goes. The ballroom studio. Express MiE. My design business. My new relationship (Yup! It's official) God has blessed me so much in so many different ways. My heart is so full right now. Great friends. Great family. Great boyfriend. Great jobs. Great house. Great greatness.

Life Is Good

I have had the hardest time trying to wrap my mind around how amazing this weekend was in order to write about it. It started Friday night with Work Husband Bob and his fantastic wife arriving for a whole weekend of fun. They met my gentleman friend and we all chatted until late into the night. Much laughing and fun was had.

Saturday was started with an amazing breakfast and then we were all off to Tour de Fat. I love riding my bike. Seriously. It makes me so happy. We slowly meandered our way down to Tempe Town Lake chatting all along the way. We arrived just in time to watch all of the people in the world's largest bike parade ride past. It was fantastic! All of the different bikes and costumes made it so entertaining. We then wandered around a bit before settling into the grass. We all laid around in the shade while talking and just being together. Bob and his wife decided to take more of a look around my gentleman friend and I decided to stay parked in the grass. It was so nice to just...well...be. No rushing about just laying in the grass without needing to talk. Comfortable silence. I like it. After they got back they recommended to bail and do lunch at Gordon Bierstch. I was more then willing to do that because that is one of my most favorite restaurants EVER! We had the most amazing seats on the 2 story balcony just watching the world happen around us. Company was good. Conversation was good. Food was good. You can't beat that. 

Sunday morning I had a whole crowd at my place my 7:00am. It was time for the Susan G Komen 5K walk. It was so awesome! 8 of my closet friends came out to support my Mom on the walk. We were also joined by my super fun aunt. A lot of the walk I kinda hung back and watched everyone. These 8 people were from all walks of my life and it was so heart warming watching them all talk with each other like they had known each other for ages. No awkwardness...just fun. I am seriously so lucky I can hardly believe it. I have completely struck gold when it comes to my friends and the mystery gentleman. My heart is so full just thinking about it all. It really can't get much better than that. I am so so so so so lucky! 

Good Things!

Maddie has a boyfriend. She is actually quite the cougar considering the fact that her boyfriend is about 7 years (human not dog years) younger than her. She even plays with him which makes me SUPER happy because she hasn't really played with another dog at all since Howard, my black lab, died a couple years ago. Some of their playing is a bit awkward considering the fact that...well...it's a good thing she is neutered. Anywho, what an exciting week it has been! I have gotten so much done! My office is officially completely done. My house is almost done. I am just waiting to hang the pictures which I am not 100% committed to because I am going to have to move soon but well...I don't care. I am done! The last couple of years of work has paid off! I have purged and purged and purged and purged and purged until the point that I am done! Praise God! I need to hit the hay soon...will write more later.

What. The. Hell.

When did our world start relying on Facebook for news big news? I think we need to get back to connecting in true human fashion. If I ever have big news I will make sure that I tell people in person or at least call those I can't see. Otherwise I will wait to post the news on Facebook until all have been notified. It sucks being on the other end of the spectrum as far as not finding out. I would hate to make anyone else feel like I felt earlier this week.

I had the realization lately that I have actually healed from my past. Memories that use to consume my mind  are hard to recall. Something happened the other day that made me remember something that I actually couldn't quite remember. Seriously. I had to sit and think about the situation and even then I could only pull certain parts of the memory to mind. I then had to sit and acknowledge how far I had come. So often we are sitting so close to our situation that we don't realize that all of that slow and steady work is actually...well...working. I am pretty excited about the whole experience. It also made me realize how much I need to finally finish the stuff with my ex-husband. As I have been cleaning my life out I have found quite a bit of his stuff like pictures or others things that I finally want to be rid of. We are going on almost a year since the divorce was final and it just plain time to be done. All. The. Way. No lingering pictures. No lingering anything. I am done, done, done with all of that I don't want anything hanging which also means I need to get on the whole selling all of my purses kick. I have been dragging my feet but that's it. I want that whole thing out of my life. 

I'm happy. Not everything is perfect in my life but I am happy. I have met someone that just enhances what is already there. I wish, wish, wish I could write about him but that part is all mine. He enhances my happiness. So much so that people can't help but smile when I talk about him. *Sigh*

AyeYaYa

I have had one crazy week. Lots going on. Lots I can't really talk about but let's just say...it has been one crazy fantastic week. I am one happy, busy camper. Not enough time in the day to accomplish all of the things that I want to accomplish. Oh well...I am doing the best I can and that is all I can do, right? Also, it is confirmed that I need to talk to my complex about my apartment. I suspected that there was mold problems but it was confirmed last night. Boo. I think I am going to have to move. Double boo. I guess it is better to be safe...but boo.