I've been a busy bee today. Made a stop at my old apartment and packed a bunch more stuff up. The bathroom is completely empty and clean as well as the kitchen is almost completely empty. While packing all of the food from the kitchen I was embarrassed to see how much was expired and not only were they expired but they had never even been opened. I bet between my place and the pantry I'm merging with we probably threw away $200 or $300 worth of stuff. Disgusting.
The pantry is coming right along. It is almost to completion. It's fascinating merging 2 personalities and how we like things. Fortunately we have so many similarities that it isn't too bad. He is such a huge help. We work on everything together. Here is an update photo.
I tried a new recipe tonight and not gonna lie...it was absolutely magical. It was braised balsamic chicken with rice and green beans. Boyfriend loved it. I love it. This recipe is for sure getting added to the recipe rotation.
Also, here is a neat little trick that I thought everyone knew but after Saturday craft day I learned not everyone does. This is fitting for this time of year as well. If you have brown sugar that is ROCK HARD....never fear! You don't have to trash it. All you have to do it put it in an airtight container along with some plain bread. I bought a cheapo loaf of bread because we had so much had brown sugar and I didn't want to waste the more expensive whole wheat bread. I put a couple of slices in each bag and sealed them for the night. By this time tomorrow the brown sugar will be completely soft. The bread will also be rock hard. It's quite the fascinating experience. This fun fact is brought to you by my super duper smart Mom.
Today I had a conversation with my true self. She asked me why I had abandoned her, why I had ignored all her constant advice. And then she reminded me of all the things I had forgotten. And never once did she say, "I told you so".
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
It's A Great Day to be Alive
The work out is done, breakfast is made and eaten, calls I needed to make are done, my list is almost completely written, my resume is open and ready to be worked on and a couple of gifts I am making are close to completion. Not bad for 8:30 in the morning, huh? I had totally forgotten how much I love working out in the mornings. It completely energizes me for the day which totally says something because I didn't make it to sleep until 2. I'm going to crash good tonight.
Christmas plans have changed slightly and I am very very excited because I feel like I get to be part of the best of both worlds. Christmas Eve and most of Christmas day in Utah with my super amazing brother, sister and cousins and then I am flying to Ohio to spend the rest of Christmas and a couple days after with boyfriend. My heart is so full that I get to experience both of them. I wish I could be 2 places at once but I was going to be leaving Utah on the 26th and this will allow me to meet boyfriend's family and be with them until the 29th. I'm kinda nervous and by kinda I mean very. I know they will be awesome but still. Yikes!
Christmas plans have changed slightly and I am very very excited because I feel like I get to be part of the best of both worlds. Christmas Eve and most of Christmas day in Utah with my super amazing brother, sister and cousins and then I am flying to Ohio to spend the rest of Christmas and a couple days after with boyfriend. My heart is so full that I get to experience both of them. I wish I could be 2 places at once but I was going to be leaving Utah on the 26th and this will allow me to meet boyfriend's family and be with them until the 29th. I'm kinda nervous and by kinda I mean very. I know they will be awesome but still. Yikes!
Beyond Excited!
Remember how I wanted to start making more items from scratch? Well...fortunately boyfriend is the same kind of person so this afternoon we sat down and designed a menu for the entire week and did the shopping for everything tonight. Here is our plan:
Sunday: Sheperds Pie (It was yummy but I forgot to take a pic. Sorry! We were able to use leftovers from Thanksgiving which makes me happy because they won't go to waste)
Monday: Pesto pasta and fish (I made the pesto from scratch tonight and made a double batch because it didn't seem like enough but I was waaaaaaaay wrong. We have plenty of pesto to last us quite a few meals.)
Tuesday: Balsamic Chicken (This is a new recipe I am pretty excited to try out)
Wednesday: Spaghetti and Meat Sauce
Thursday: Burritos
Friday: Pizza (We are making everything, including the crust, from scratch)
Saturday: BBQ pulled pork Memphis style (We're having a bunch of people over to hang out and eat food which I'm super excited about because I haven't met a lot of his friends so this will give me an opportunity to do that)
I'm am so excited for a week of homemade meals! The meals will also provide us with leftovers for lunches for the week. Isn't that awesome?! On top of all of that we only spent around $100 with a lot of the items (like seasonings) being items that will last us a long time and buying enough food for the get together this weekend. That is my kind of planning! I'll keep you all updated with how the week goes. Oh and we started a list of recipes/meals that we can pull from when planning our weekly menus. I am going to print them all out so I can easily write a shopping list of needed items. WooHoo!
We have also decided that we are going to start doing our core in the morning so we have more time at night to walk the dogs, make dinner or just hang out. I haven't really talked about the workouts much lately but this is what it is:
Hand Stand Push Ups - 2 sets (I still need help getting from on my head to my arms being fully extended and then I just hold that position. I am getting to the point where I can hold it for like 30 seconds which is hard as hell)
Body Weight Squats
Pull Ups (I still get help)
Chin Ups (I still get help)
15 Guy Push Ups - 4 sets
Crunches - 4 sets
Full Sit Up - 2 sets
Jog 1 Mile (We kill 2 birds with one stone on this one because we take the dogs with us. They get exercise while we do)
Intense, huh? I like the challenge of it. It's easy to throw weights around but when your own body is kicking your own ass it is a bit humbling and highly satisfying when you make it happen.
I love having someone on my team who is working towards the same goals as I am. We made a pact that we would never work out less than 3 times a week but are striving for 5 and for every 4 weeks of working out 5 times we get to do something extra special (we have yet to decide what). He completely inspires me to be a better person than I ever imagined I could be. I'm super lucky!
I was once again reminded how much I love my church. I was blessed to be able to work graphics for all 3 services today and the subject was about the fact that you don't have to do things on your own. God is there for you. You should also surround yourself with people that are there for you no matter what like the members of your church, friends and family. At the beginning of the service the worship pastor instructed everyone to fill out the name tag that was on each of the seats of the church and then had volunteers collect all of the name tags. No one had a clue what they were for and you could tell some people are apprehensive because they didn't want to get called on or something like that but at the end of the service the reason was revealed. They had the same volunteers take the buckets of names and pass the names out. Women were to take another womans name and men were to take another mans name and pray for the person throughout the week. They wanted the same sex to pray for each other because we know the struggles better. They also didn't want us to contact that person. They just wanted us to pray for them whenever we thought of it. How awesome is it to know what someone, who you may or may not know, is praying for you all week? He then challenged us to find someone else in our life to make a conscious effort to pray for. We are supposed to take care of each other. What a better place to start then with praying for each other. Somehow there were extra names at the end so I grabbed another one. I put them next to my side of the mirror so I couldn't forget. Here are the names in case you want to add them to your prayer list too.
I forgot to post these the other day but here are some before pictures of the pantry that I am merging with. I'll post progress pictures tomorrow. It is looking pretty good already! Thanks again for the inspiration Ashton!
And just for fun here is a picture I took while shopping on Black Friday. I thought it was hilarious because it looks like it is a nudey magazine but it is actually just the way it was sitting.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Sometimes...
Sometimes...I just need a good cry. Is anyone else like that? For example, tonight boyfriend and I were playing catch with this hard plastic ball and he was talking to me so I was focused on what he had to say when he threw it back at me...and hit me right in the face. Hard. I cried cause it hurt and I don't think there is anyone on this entire planet who has ever felt worse then he did. The tears were immediate and he flew across the room to hug me. I cried for a bit and then it stopped hurting so I stopped crying. All of the sudden tears just welled up again...for absolutely no reason. None at all. Boyfriend was so confused and thought he had done something more than accidentally hitting me in the face with the ball. He kept asking me what was wrong and I had no answer. Nothing was necessarily wrong. I just needed to cry. I know it was a combination of lots of things that have happened in the last week or so, moving, and just needing a good cry. That is another one of the many differences between men and women. Sometimes women just need a good cry. No reason. No particular cause. Just need to do it. I have to say that I feel MUCH better!
Thanksgiving was pretty much amazing. Boyfriend and I rode the bike over to my SIL, where I taken all of my needed ingredients the day before. We all hung out and cooked and talked and had fun until everything was complete and we headed to my Mom's. The next couple of hours were filled with even more fun and love. I have the greatest family. As we rode the bike home afterwards I took that 30 minute ride as my time to have a good heart of heart with God. I am both extremely blessed and thankful for everything I have been given. This is my list in no particular order.
~ amazing boyfriend
~ amazing family
~ amazing friends
~ amazing dog
~ amazing church
~ amazing experiences
~ amazing job
~ amazing everything
Black Friday was filled with me being at my SIL house by 3:30. We hit 4 stores, had breakfast with my Mom and sister after our famous Joann's shopping and then hit another 5 or so stores. It was awesome! I did a little bit of shopping but the reality is I don't need anything so I just got everything I needed for gifts. My Christmas shopping is pretty much done. I have a couple things to put together tomorrow at craft day but other than that...I'm done! Nice feeling indeed. Oh! I totally forgot to share this! Starting in January I am teaching a couple of regular fitness classes at the pole studio. One of them is Line Dancing. I get to teach a demo of it tomorrow and so far there are 17 people signed up to take it! I'm so excited! Wish me luck!
Thanksgiving was pretty much amazing. Boyfriend and I rode the bike over to my SIL, where I taken all of my needed ingredients the day before. We all hung out and cooked and talked and had fun until everything was complete and we headed to my Mom's. The next couple of hours were filled with even more fun and love. I have the greatest family. As we rode the bike home afterwards I took that 30 minute ride as my time to have a good heart of heart with God. I am both extremely blessed and thankful for everything I have been given. This is my list in no particular order.
~ amazing boyfriend
~ amazing family
~ amazing friends
~ amazing dog
~ amazing church
~ amazing experiences
~ amazing job
~ amazing everything
Black Friday was filled with me being at my SIL house by 3:30. We hit 4 stores, had breakfast with my Mom and sister after our famous Joann's shopping and then hit another 5 or so stores. It was awesome! I did a little bit of shopping but the reality is I don't need anything so I just got everything I needed for gifts. My Christmas shopping is pretty much done. I have a couple things to put together tomorrow at craft day but other than that...I'm done! Nice feeling indeed. Oh! I totally forgot to share this! Starting in January I am teaching a couple of regular fitness classes at the pole studio. One of them is Line Dancing. I get to teach a demo of it tomorrow and so far there are 17 people signed up to take it! I'm so excited! Wish me luck!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Happiness?
So I pretty much had my universe rocked today and by pretty much I mean I totally did. I was fortunate enough to spend some time with a couple of very important people in my life just wandering around the Boyce Thompson Arboretum. If you have never been I highly suggest you make the drive. It's a less busy, commercial version of the Desert Botanical Gardens. Anywho, as the day progressed we had many, many different talks (like we always do). A large portion of the day was discussing what makes their marriage work. When I get married again it will be for keeps so I want to make sure I do my best to make sure it is so. They have been married for over 30 years and have one of the best marriages I have ever encountered so I figured that talking to them would be a great start. Here's what I learned (in my own words).
1. Always put your partners needs before my own.
2. Don't sweat the small stuff and allow yourself to go with the flow.
3. Accept that men and women are different and cannot read each others minds.
4. What works in one marriage may or may not work for another marriage.
I'm really good at number 1 but numbers 2 and 3 I need to work on. As far as number 2 goes, I have a tendency to go with anything until a plan has been decided and if that plan changes for any reason I'm not the biggest fan (kind of a train wreck). For number 3 I am pretty good at sharing my feelings but sometimes catch myself hoping that boyfriend will just automatically know what is going on. He can't though because he is a boy and thinks like a boy and I am a girl and think like a girl.
We went on to discuss some of the people that have been in my life. Here is where the REALLY profound thought came in. You ready? Here is it: "Sometimes people are happy being unhappy." I'm sorry...WHAT?! That means that no matter what I do or do not do I cannot change them. Now I know what you are thinking but hear me out. I know I can't actually change them but I seem to think that somehow I can rub off on people. Like somehow I can have a positive effect on them when in reality the opposite happens...I get sucked dry. Now it most certainly isn't all of the people in my life but there are the few like my ex-husband. He often went for the negative. It used to drive me crazy because I would be busy trying to point out the good and just end up angry and resentful because he just couldn't see it.
The reason why this thought is SO profound is because it takes a ton of pressure off of me. I strive to have a positive effect on people but if for some reason I don't it may likely be because they don't want to see the positive. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept of being happy in your unhappiness but it was explained to me that they must be getting something out of it otherwise it would be pointless. It may be attention they are seeking or something else completely. It may be an unconscious act. It may be TONS of things but you know what? Their happiness is not my responsibility. Such a freeing concept for me...
Here are some pics from the day. The first is a pic of the 2 little cacti I bought for boyfriend because he loves them. One is an Arizona Saguaro and the other is a Golden Barrel. The other is just one the cacti that completely blew me away. Look at how long the spines are?!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Making Things Happen
I have gotten some much done this week and it's only Tuesday morning! Christmas decorations are up! Ingredients for Thanksgiving recipes are bought! Kitchen is packed and being moved and unpacked tonight! Clothes are being packed, moved and unpacked tonight! Projects for this Saturday are organized (but I still need to get a couple things)! Facebook posts for a company I post for are selected! My plans for today are to go through all of my email accounts and my Facebook messages. Shred a bunch of paper items that I don't want to just trash. Vacuum out the inside of my car. Of course, pack up all of my clothes. Take pictures of the items I am going to sell (which is almost everything) so I can post them on Craiglist. Open a savings account to hold all of the money I am going to make from selling stuff. Deposit a couple checks. I'm sure I'll get a whole bunch more done but I'll have to play it by ear.
So...blogs have given me the opportunity to get to know family members that I didn't grow up around and that is a true blessing to my life. It is amazing what you find out about them and how close you can grow by being able to read their thoughts and life activities. One of my cousins recently started a blog that I am in LOVE with! She recently redid her pantry and I was immediately inspired so I am going to do the same thing. I am going to post up pictures of my pantry along with the pictures of the pantry I am merging with and then the progress along the way. My goal is to spend less then $50 by buying items at Goodwill or using items I already have. Here is what I bought yesterday for a grand total of $14.45 which means I have a remaining balance of $35.55
From this point forward I am going to limit myself to just shopping on the 50% off Saturdays. I think there is one this weekend so that way I can get more for less money! I'll probably have to hit 4 or 5 different locations in order to get everything that I need but they are pretty close to each other and since I am only looking for certain items it shouldn't take too long. Anywho, here is what my pantry currently looks like.
So...blogs have given me the opportunity to get to know family members that I didn't grow up around and that is a true blessing to my life. It is amazing what you find out about them and how close you can grow by being able to read their thoughts and life activities. One of my cousins recently started a blog that I am in LOVE with! She recently redid her pantry and I was immediately inspired so I am going to do the same thing. I am going to post up pictures of my pantry along with the pictures of the pantry I am merging with and then the progress along the way. My goal is to spend less then $50 by buying items at Goodwill or using items I already have. Here is what I bought yesterday for a grand total of $14.45 which means I have a remaining balance of $35.55
From this point forward I am going to limit myself to just shopping on the 50% off Saturdays. I think there is one this weekend so that way I can get more for less money! I'll probably have to hit 4 or 5 different locations in order to get everything that I need but they are pretty close to each other and since I am only looking for certain items it shouldn't take too long. Anywho, here is what my pantry currently looks like.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
The Three Letter Word
"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them." ~ George Bernard Shaw
I've totally been living in excuse land. I can't because of blah, blah, blah... It's hard because of blah, blah, blah... It's blah, blah, blah. Enough already. Boyfriend said something very profound to me a week or so ago and I have been slowly letting it sink in and noticing how much it is a part of my life. We were working out and he had me do something new. Right before it was my turn I said, "I'll try to do it." He said, "No, you don't try. Either you will or you will not. There is no try." He's right! How often do we hide behind the "try" or the "maybe" or the "might". It is the perfect word because there is no commitment one way or the other. You don't have to actually perform because you are covered under the word false hope. The "let me cross my fingers and hope it works out" thing. I don't want to cross my fingers and hope it works out. I want to live my life going after what I want. It was sad though...noticing how much trying I was doing without doing. I want to be a doer not a tryer, you know?
I've totally been living in excuse land. I can't because of blah, blah, blah... It's hard because of blah, blah, blah... It's blah, blah, blah. Enough already. Boyfriend said something very profound to me a week or so ago and I have been slowly letting it sink in and noticing how much it is a part of my life. We were working out and he had me do something new. Right before it was my turn I said, "I'll try to do it." He said, "No, you don't try. Either you will or you will not. There is no try." He's right! How often do we hide behind the "try" or the "maybe" or the "might". It is the perfect word because there is no commitment one way or the other. You don't have to actually perform because you are covered under the word false hope. The "let me cross my fingers and hope it works out" thing. I don't want to cross my fingers and hope it works out. I want to live my life going after what I want. It was sad though...noticing how much trying I was doing without doing. I want to be a doer not a tryer, you know?
Yesterday afternoon I was blessed to be able to spend some time with one of my most favorite friends. I did a pretty good job keeping my conversation upbeat at first but that never works with her. We are real with each other. There is only 100% raw honesty. She, lovingly and unknowingly, put me in my place. I was bummed about the whole job situation and she changed my perspective by going through the list of all of that is going fantastic in my life and so what if there is one area that isn't. That's always going to be the case. How great is that?! She is pretty much the best! I felt so rejuvenated after I left her place and it kept building and building and building and building until I thought I was going to bust! I taught a pole class and then headed over to see Boyfriend where I promptly hugged him and apologized for my boohoo-ish mood. I am done with it. It had slowly started affecting other aspects of my life including my fitness and I just WILL NOT have that. Yeah for awesome friends!
Last night I spent over an hour looking at recipes. There are not many things that bring me that much joy. I love looking at recipes. Seriously. I could do it for HOURS! It is almost sickening how much I enjoy it. I am the biggest fan of allrecipes.com because they have review that I can sift through. On top of that I was blog stalking one of my cousins and she follows this one blog that I am now a huge fan of because of this recipe. Talk about combining all things delicious together into one tasty treat. I'm making it for Thanksgiving along with lots of other delicious things like this and this and this. Boyfriend is making some delicious sweet potato concoction too. So excited! I get to make my shopping list today so I can join SIL in grocery shopping on Monday. Gotta get a jump on things! Have I mentioned that Thanksgiving is my MOST FAVORITE HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR and it is only days away! YEAH!
Last night I spent over an hour looking at recipes. There are not many things that bring me that much joy. I love looking at recipes. Seriously. I could do it for HOURS! It is almost sickening how much I enjoy it. I am the biggest fan of allrecipes.com because they have review that I can sift through. On top of that I was blog stalking one of my cousins and she follows this one blog that I am now a huge fan of because of this recipe. Talk about combining all things delicious together into one tasty treat. I'm making it for Thanksgiving along with lots of other delicious things like this and this and this. Boyfriend is making some delicious sweet potato concoction too. So excited! I get to make my shopping list today so I can join SIL in grocery shopping on Monday. Gotta get a jump on things! Have I mentioned that Thanksgiving is my MOST FAVORITE HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR and it is only days away! YEAH!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Planning...Planning...Planning
If it is possible for your heart to be so full and so torn at the same time than that is where I am at. My heart has been in so much conflict but I didn't know why. Well...I knew some of it but couldn't put my finger on all of the exactness. I finally acknowledged something last night that broke my heart free. I wasn't feeling like myself and between last night and coffee with a girlfriend today I finally...FINALLY...feel like me again. It's amazing what a big dose of personal honesty can do along with the support of a girlfriend. I'm so glad she and I are going to make this a weekly thing. I need it...big time. Anywho, as we were sitting at coffee a gal she works with wandered into the shop and sat with us for a bit. Talk about my twin! Not in our looks (though she totally have a similar feel to how I present myself) but in our interests. I felt like we could have talked for hours which was super exciting because I have been praying for someone in my life that I could talk creative stuff with and TA-DA! Guess who walked into the coffee shop?! Our God is a faithful God.
The great thing about today is I have come to some major decisions in my life. They are as follows:
1. I have decided where I am going to live.
2. I have decided that I am going to get a part-time job.
3. I have decided what I am going to do for Christmas gifts (not a big deal but relieving none the less).
4. I have decided that I am FOR SURE going to do Big Brother Big Sister (I already applied for it).
5. I am going to meet once a week with my girlfriend to keep me moving forward and accoutable.
6. I am going to join my churches women's life group starting next week.
7. I am signing up for a MCC makeup course next semester (I already applied for enrollment).
I am feeling very motivated and planned but at the same time very ungrounded. I have all of these ideas and am actually moving in a positive/forward direction but at the same time...ugh. Weird ending? I know.
The great thing about today is I have come to some major decisions in my life. They are as follows:
1. I have decided where I am going to live.
2. I have decided that I am going to get a part-time job.
3. I have decided what I am going to do for Christmas gifts (not a big deal but relieving none the less).
4. I have decided that I am FOR SURE going to do Big Brother Big Sister (I already applied for it).
5. I am going to meet once a week with my girlfriend to keep me moving forward and accoutable.
6. I am going to join my churches women's life group starting next week.
7. I am signing up for a MCC makeup course next semester (I already applied for enrollment).
I am feeling very motivated and planned but at the same time very ungrounded. I have all of these ideas and am actually moving in a positive/forward direction but at the same time...ugh. Weird ending? I know.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Sarah Kesler, Magenta and The 29 #14
When it comes to my hair I rarely, if ever, hesitate except...EXCEPT when it comes to one thing. One thing that I have wanted to do for years and I literally mean years. I finally did it today with the help (read: she did all of the work and I just sat in the chair) of the amazing Sarah Kesler, stylist extraordinaire. My hair is now dark, dark brown and magenta. The greatest thing about Sarah is I literally can just sit down in the chair and let her do whatever she wants. I don't tell her what to do. I don't tell her how I think it should look. She is the professional and there is no way she is going to let me walk out the door looking anything less then 150%. I have to say though that she really over did herself today. My hair is beyond amazing and I can't want to wear it out more.
I Swear Officer!
I was riding my bike to pole class yesterday and all of the sudden this cop car comes screaming by me and pulls straight into the driveway I was about to pass over. My thoughts? "Oh man. I'm almost 30 years old and I am about to get a ticket for riding on the wrong side of the road. How embarrassing." You see...not only was I riding my bike on the wrong side of the road but it was dark and I was wearing all black and listening to my iPod. (I know Mom and Marsha...I know...a terrible idea all the way around.)
The cop quickly jumped out of his car and waved at me to get my attention. No need because he already had it...100%. I slowed my bike to a stop ready to take what he was about to dish out when he stumped me with the following question, "Did you just have a run in with a truck?" I kinda just stared at him blinking for a minute before I responded with a slow, "no." Well...it turns out that a white female wearing all black riding a bike with white tires (which mine has) was hit by a truck near where I was riding my bike and the truck took off. A witness called the cops as he took off after the driver of the truck so he could get the plate information but they had yet to be able to locate the poor biker. The cop was blown away that a. he found a biker that fit the description and b. that not only was there one biker in the area that fit that description but 2 because it wasn't me.
Not gonna lie...that experience totally threw me off my game. As I rode away from the cop I was grateful for 2 things.
1. I wasn't that biker
2. I didn't get a ticket for riding on the wrong side of the road.
Let's just say...I was one careful biker on the ride home later that night.
The cop quickly jumped out of his car and waved at me to get my attention. No need because he already had it...100%. I slowed my bike to a stop ready to take what he was about to dish out when he stumped me with the following question, "Did you just have a run in with a truck?" I kinda just stared at him blinking for a minute before I responded with a slow, "no." Well...it turns out that a white female wearing all black riding a bike with white tires (which mine has) was hit by a truck near where I was riding my bike and the truck took off. A witness called the cops as he took off after the driver of the truck so he could get the plate information but they had yet to be able to locate the poor biker. The cop was blown away that a. he found a biker that fit the description and b. that not only was there one biker in the area that fit that description but 2 because it wasn't me.
Not gonna lie...that experience totally threw me off my game. As I rode away from the cop I was grateful for 2 things.
1. I wasn't that biker
2. I didn't get a ticket for riding on the wrong side of the road.
Let's just say...I was one careful biker on the ride home later that night.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Impatience, Good Company and the 29 #13
I hiked the canyon again this weekend and here's why I am counting it as a part of my 29. I am counting it because I met Work Husband Bob, his lovely lady and boyfriend came as well as we camped overnight...kinda-ish. I guess it really counts because it is my first trip with boyfriend.
This is how it went down. Boyfriend had to work until 5 on Friday so we didn't get on the road until after that. Most of us know what that means for driving through a big city....traffic and lots of it. We finally rolled into the canyon well after 11pm. Fortunately Bob and his girl had ditched their tent to sleep in the truck so we slept in their tent. The next morning we were on the trail by 6:15ish. Let's just say...it was freaking FREEZING! This is what I was wearing. Athletic bra, sport bra, tank top, long sleeve shirt, sweater, fleece jacket, pants, socks, shoes, gloves, hat, and neck warmer. Fortunately I wasn't too cold but wow! We were down to the bottom by 9:30 and due to the lateness of the year the sun had moved so the entire bottom of the canyon was still shaded. We snacked for a bit and then started our way back up. Here's what surprised me, it was hard but I had a much easier time then I did in August. Of course the weather was quite different but hiking in the cold is almost as hard as hiking in heat because your joints get all stiff and it hurts to bend them.
Anywho, we made it up by sunset but narrowly missed the showers being open. That is when we all changed our minds. Bob and his girl decided to get a hotel room and boyfriend and I decided to make the trek back home. After quickly packing up camp and stopping the nearest town for dinner we were on the road by 8:30. I was close to the crappiest passenger ever. I slept from about 10 minutes outside of the park until we pulled in the driveway waking only because my knee was in so much pain. Oh! I forgot to mention about that. While we were packing up camp I decided to be lazy and slide my way out of the truck instead of stepping down and I SLAMMED the bottom of my knee cap against the truck. It was one of the those kinds of pains where I just laid my head against the seat of the truck and cried in complete and utter silence. I couldn't make a sound. Boyfriend was super surprised when I told him about it because I hadn't uttered a word about it when it happened. It is feeling a bit better now but still not the greatest. All in all the trip was amazing! I really enjoyed hiking with friends. This trip made me feel very adult because boyfriend and I met another couple. For some reason that made me feel very grown up. Is that weird?
Here are some of the draw backs from the trip. I learned that I was a bit more like my Dad when he travels then I would like. Apparently I am a bit impatient. It is probably combined with my experiences in my marriage because so much of what we did I did all of the work for. I shopped. I packed. I unpacked. I did a lot of things by myself so it is somewhat difficult for me to rely on someone else...for anything. That is most definitely a trait I do not want so it just got added to my list of habits to break. I have to admit though...it was nice actually having someone work by my side.
This is how it went down. Boyfriend had to work until 5 on Friday so we didn't get on the road until after that. Most of us know what that means for driving through a big city....traffic and lots of it. We finally rolled into the canyon well after 11pm. Fortunately Bob and his girl had ditched their tent to sleep in the truck so we slept in their tent. The next morning we were on the trail by 6:15ish. Let's just say...it was freaking FREEZING! This is what I was wearing. Athletic bra, sport bra, tank top, long sleeve shirt, sweater, fleece jacket, pants, socks, shoes, gloves, hat, and neck warmer. Fortunately I wasn't too cold but wow! We were down to the bottom by 9:30 and due to the lateness of the year the sun had moved so the entire bottom of the canyon was still shaded. We snacked for a bit and then started our way back up. Here's what surprised me, it was hard but I had a much easier time then I did in August. Of course the weather was quite different but hiking in the cold is almost as hard as hiking in heat because your joints get all stiff and it hurts to bend them.
Anywho, we made it up by sunset but narrowly missed the showers being open. That is when we all changed our minds. Bob and his girl decided to get a hotel room and boyfriend and I decided to make the trek back home. After quickly packing up camp and stopping the nearest town for dinner we were on the road by 8:30. I was close to the crappiest passenger ever. I slept from about 10 minutes outside of the park until we pulled in the driveway waking only because my knee was in so much pain. Oh! I forgot to mention about that. While we were packing up camp I decided to be lazy and slide my way out of the truck instead of stepping down and I SLAMMED the bottom of my knee cap against the truck. It was one of the those kinds of pains where I just laid my head against the seat of the truck and cried in complete and utter silence. I couldn't make a sound. Boyfriend was super surprised when I told him about it because I hadn't uttered a word about it when it happened. It is feeling a bit better now but still not the greatest. All in all the trip was amazing! I really enjoyed hiking with friends. This trip made me feel very adult because boyfriend and I met another couple. For some reason that made me feel very grown up. Is that weird?
Here are some of the draw backs from the trip. I learned that I was a bit more like my Dad when he travels then I would like. Apparently I am a bit impatient. It is probably combined with my experiences in my marriage because so much of what we did I did all of the work for. I shopped. I packed. I unpacked. I did a lot of things by myself so it is somewhat difficult for me to rely on someone else...for anything. That is most definitely a trait I do not want so it just got added to my list of habits to break. I have to admit though...it was nice actually having someone work by my side.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
No Words...
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!
I almost did a whole pull up ALL. BY. MYSELF.
HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES!
I'm so freaking excited I can hardly see straight! For real! Boyfriend and I were working out and I almost freaking did a pull up. I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooo excited! By this time next week I am sure I will be able to do it completely! I was literally inches away from getting it!
YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!
I almost did a whole pull up ALL. BY. MYSELF.
HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES! HECK YES!
I'm so freaking excited I can hardly see straight! For real! Boyfriend and I were working out and I almost freaking did a pull up. I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooo excited! By this time next week I am sure I will be able to do it completely! I was literally inches away from getting it!
YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!
A Little Too Much "I"
I'm feeling very off lately. There is no real rhyme or reason about it...I'm just feeling...off. Not normal. Not in sync with my own inner self. Just plain...off. I was talking to boyfriend last night and I think he pinpointed it with all of the following.
1. I'm worried about my future living situation. I gave notice to get out of my apartment but haven't decided where I am going to go.
2. I am very happy working for myself but at the same time it is a bit stressful because the guarantee of a paycheck is gone along with things like bonuses and paid vacation. Definitely worth it but it is a true test of my trust in God.
3. I'm feeling kinda lonely lately.
The problem with all of the above is the word "I". Too much of it going on. The good thing is that since I am now working for myself I can volunteer for something during the day so I am on the hunt to find something to contribute to that has nothing to do with the word "I". I was thinking about becoming a big sister or something like that. Any ideas? I'm all ears...
As far as the lonely problems goes I think I have been given something to combat that. There is a girl that I have known for a long time that has been a constant motivation/inspiration to me. Well...we got together today and she really helped me through something I have been having a major struggle about and we plan on getting together more often. I am truly delighted that I have someone who will call me on my shit and is in a place where I am heading. God has kept her close enough but yet kinda far away for a while. Apparently it wasn't the time for us to be close until now. I'm very excited for what the future holds!
Oh and good news! When I wrote the other day about not wanting to design for people aside from myself just acknowledging that fact seemed to cure me of it...at least to a degree. I have been on a designing frenzy the last couple of days and I am on the verge of being able to unveil the big excitement that I have been hinting about. SUPER EXCITED!
1. I'm worried about my future living situation. I gave notice to get out of my apartment but haven't decided where I am going to go.
2. I am very happy working for myself but at the same time it is a bit stressful because the guarantee of a paycheck is gone along with things like bonuses and paid vacation. Definitely worth it but it is a true test of my trust in God.
3. I'm feeling kinda lonely lately.
The problem with all of the above is the word "I". Too much of it going on. The good thing is that since I am now working for myself I can volunteer for something during the day so I am on the hunt to find something to contribute to that has nothing to do with the word "I". I was thinking about becoming a big sister or something like that. Any ideas? I'm all ears...
As far as the lonely problems goes I think I have been given something to combat that. There is a girl that I have known for a long time that has been a constant motivation/inspiration to me. Well...we got together today and she really helped me through something I have been having a major struggle about and we plan on getting together more often. I am truly delighted that I have someone who will call me on my shit and is in a place where I am heading. God has kept her close enough but yet kinda far away for a while. Apparently it wasn't the time for us to be close until now. I'm very excited for what the future holds!
Oh and good news! When I wrote the other day about not wanting to design for people aside from myself just acknowledging that fact seemed to cure me of it...at least to a degree. I have been on a designing frenzy the last couple of days and I am on the verge of being able to unveil the big excitement that I have been hinting about. SUPER EXCITED!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
A Night In the Mind of Kathy
My dreaming mind has been VERY active lately. It is kinda surprising actually. I often go through phases of remembering and not remembering my dreams which is usually connected with my professional happiness. Anywho, my point to all of this is I have never paid attention to my dreams. In the past I brushed them of as being completely absurd but boyfriend encouraged me to look up what they may mean. Here's what I learned...
1. One-third of your life is spent sleeping.
2. In an average lifetime, you would have spent a total of about six years of it dreaming. That is more than 2,100 days spent in a different realm!
3. Dreams have been here as long as mankind. Back in the Roman Era, profound and significant dreams were submitted to the Senate for analysis and interpretation.
4. Everybody dreams. EVERYBODY! Simply because you do not remember your dream does not mean that you do not dream. In fact, you have several dreams during a normal night of sleep.
5. Dreams are indispensable. A lack of dream activity may imply some protein deficiency or a personality disorder.
6. On average, you can dream anywhere from one to two hours every night. Moreover, you can have four to seven dreams in one night.
7. Blind people do dream. Whether visual images appear in their dreams depend on whether they were blind at birth or became blind later in life. But vision is not the only sense that constitutes a dream. Sound, tactility, and smell become hypersensitive for the blind and their dreams are based on these senses.
8. Five minutes after the end of the dream, half the content is forgotten. After ten minutes, 90% is lost.
9. The word dream stems from the Middle English word, dreme which means "joy" and "music".
10. Men tend to dream more about other men, while women dream equally about men and women.
11. Studies have shown that your brain waves are more active when you are dreaming than when we are awake.
12. Dreamers who are awakened right after REM sleep, are able to recall their dreams more vividly than those who slept through the night until morning.
13. Physiologically speaking, researchers found that during dreaming REM sleep, males experience erections and females experience increased vaginal blood flow, regardless the content of the dream. In fact, "wet dreams" may not necessarily coincide with overtly sexual dream content.
14. People who are in the process of giving up smoking tend to have longer and more intense dreams.
15. Toddlers do not dream about themselves. They do not appear in their own dreams until the age of 3 or 4.
16. If you are snoring, then you cannot be dreaming.
17. Nightmares are common in children, typically beginning at around age 3 and occurring up to age 7-8.
18. In a poll, 67% of Americans have experienced Deja Vu in their dreams, occurring more often in females than males.
19. Around 3% of adults suffer from sleep apnea. This treatable condition leads to unexplained tiredness and inefficiency.
20. According to a research study, the most common setting for dreams is your own house.
21. It is very normal for males to experience an erection during the REM stage of sleep, even when they are not dreaming anything of a sexual nature.
22. The original meaning of the word "nightmare" was a female spirit who besets people at night while they sleep.
Smuggling
To dream that you are smuggling something, indicates that you are trying to claim what you feel is rightfully yours. Alternatively, the dream means that you are feeling locked out or denied of something. Consider what you are smuggling for additional significance.
1. One-third of your life is spent sleeping.
2. In an average lifetime, you would have spent a total of about six years of it dreaming. That is more than 2,100 days spent in a different realm!
3. Dreams have been here as long as mankind. Back in the Roman Era, profound and significant dreams were submitted to the Senate for analysis and interpretation.
4. Everybody dreams. EVERYBODY! Simply because you do not remember your dream does not mean that you do not dream. In fact, you have several dreams during a normal night of sleep.
5. Dreams are indispensable. A lack of dream activity may imply some protein deficiency or a personality disorder.
6. On average, you can dream anywhere from one to two hours every night. Moreover, you can have four to seven dreams in one night.
7. Blind people do dream. Whether visual images appear in their dreams depend on whether they were blind at birth or became blind later in life. But vision is not the only sense that constitutes a dream. Sound, tactility, and smell become hypersensitive for the blind and their dreams are based on these senses.
8. Five minutes after the end of the dream, half the content is forgotten. After ten minutes, 90% is lost.
9. The word dream stems from the Middle English word, dreme which means "joy" and "music".
10. Men tend to dream more about other men, while women dream equally about men and women.
11. Studies have shown that your brain waves are more active when you are dreaming than when we are awake.
12. Dreamers who are awakened right after REM sleep, are able to recall their dreams more vividly than those who slept through the night until morning.
13. Physiologically speaking, researchers found that during dreaming REM sleep, males experience erections and females experience increased vaginal blood flow, regardless the content of the dream. In fact, "wet dreams" may not necessarily coincide with overtly sexual dream content.
14. People who are in the process of giving up smoking tend to have longer and more intense dreams.
15. Toddlers do not dream about themselves. They do not appear in their own dreams until the age of 3 or 4.
16. If you are snoring, then you cannot be dreaming.
17. Nightmares are common in children, typically beginning at around age 3 and occurring up to age 7-8.
18. In a poll, 67% of Americans have experienced Deja Vu in their dreams, occurring more often in females than males.
19. Around 3% of adults suffer from sleep apnea. This treatable condition leads to unexplained tiredness and inefficiency.
20. According to a research study, the most common setting for dreams is your own house.
21. It is very normal for males to experience an erection during the REM stage of sleep, even when they are not dreaming anything of a sexual nature.
22. The original meaning of the word "nightmare" was a female spirit who besets people at night while they sleep.
All fascinating thoughts but the most interesting thing I read was that your dreams are often feelings that you have during the day but don't act on for various reasons. Not that I am going to put much weight on my dreams but I find this whole thing a bit intriguing. For example, I have had 2 dreams in the last 3 nights where I was smuggling something. This is what one website had to say about it.
To dream that you are smuggling something, indicates that you are trying to claim what you feel is rightfully yours. Alternatively, the dream means that you are feeling locked out or denied of something. Consider what you are smuggling for additional significance.
The crazy part is that in both dreams the item(s) that I was smuggling were mine to begin with and someone else was trying to take them away. Anywho, I'm not really sure what it is all about or whether it is really about something at all but there it is. A night in the mind of Kathy...
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Glorious Progress!
I love little reminders. Seriously! And I most definitely needed one tonight. I've been feeling a bit unsatisfied by my fitness progress (mainly due to trying a whole new fitness regiment). Anywho, I always chat a bit about my story before I teach the Intro to Pole class at Express MiE and tonight I had an extra outgoing group (which I LOVED). As we were all talking one of the women blurted out, "How long did it take you to be able to do that?" I was so confused about what she was talking about until she clarified and said, "to be able to sit like that." I looked down and noticed that I was almost in full front splits. Wow was all I could think. When I first started at Express MiE I couldn't even touch my toes...even AFTER I stretched. Now I can do a full side splits, do man push ups, climb the pole, flip upside down, do the pole tricks one handed and more. On top of all that I bought new pants today and am officially in a size 10 sometimes smaller. Now...I'm generally not a size kind of person. I would much rather wear a higher size than have muffin top but in this case I was proud of myself. When I first started this journey I was in a size 18 consistently. The greatest part of it all is how long I have maintained this. It's easy to lose weight for a while. Keeping it off is the hard part. I've kept it off for a long while now and I won't ever get back to how I was. I'm very proud of myself. This has been a long, hard, heart wrenching journey that most certainly isn't over but still. I'm doing okay. Oh and I know...I know...I need to post pictures.
Always Always Learning
I learned something about myself this weekend. I'm not a big fan of designing for other people. That's right. I said it out loud. I like the act of designing but I don't like their expectations. Of course there are certain people that I don't mind designing for because they actually respect the amount of time that goes into it but for the most part...I don't like it and it kills me to write that because I have a lot of money in debt that says otherwise.
I've come to realize through this blog and through teaching at the pole studio that my passion is, in fact, to work with women. I'm sure in what capacity yet. I have a couple of different ideas but God and I have been having many talks and he has yet to nail me down to one thing. There is one direction that I am feeling a HUGE pull but I'm not sure if that should be my main focus.
So...yesterday I went with a friend to her church to support her with something and the message kinda struck me...well...wrong. In just about every single way possible. I literally left with a bitter taste in my mouth. And when I say bitter I mean BITTER. The problem was the subject. In fact, it is a subject that is rarely talked about but should be discussed quite often. It was the idea of sin and addiction. Don't get me wrong...being to who I was married to I know quite a bit about what addiction is and what it can do to a person/family but what I didn't like was how the pastor tried to make everyone feel like they had some sort of an addiction whether it be pornography or in his sake, caffeine. I'm sorry...caffeine? That's how you are trying to relate to the people. Caffeine? Caffeine doesn't ruin peoples lives. Caffeine doesn't turn you into a liar. Caffeine can be considered a bad habit but other than that...it is NOTHING in comparison to alcohol or drugs or gambling or sex or pornography. I stewed about it in silence the whole way back to Tempe. Luckily we was meeting D&G for lunch and the moment I got there anger about the whole sermon started flowing out of my mouth. I have no idea where it all came from but man oh MAN! was I aggravated. One of the things I love the most about D&G is the fact that they will tell me their honest opinion about a situation whether I am right or not. In this case they agreed with me. That brought peace to my heart over the inner conflict I was having but still left me with annoyance that so many of the people who attended are going to accept everything that he said as truth and are more than likely going to struggle with things in the future because of it.
I guess it isn't my responsibility to make sure that they find out for themselves. That's why we have agency. Whether they choose to exercise that or not is their own responsibility...not mine. We had an amazing Bible study as well. We are doing a series on Happiness and how it is something that either lives inside of you or you allow to be contingent upon things that are happening around you. For example, I try to be happy at all times. That means even when shitty things are happening to me and you all have to admit I have had quite a bit of that in the last year or two instead of the opposite where I let the things that are happening around me to dictate my mood. Someone cut me off so I'm going to be super pissed off now or anything else like that. This particular lesson focused on the fact that Life Isn't Fair. So often when bad things are happening in our lives we seem to think that we are supposed to be learning something from it. That it MUST be happening for a reason but the reality of the whole matter is that sometimes crappy stuff just plain happens. There doesn't have to be a reason. There doesn't have to be a lesson. It is just plain crappy. That was a good reminder because I went through a phase when a bunch of crappy things were happening questioning what I did to deserve what was happening to me. The answer? Nothing. Something crappy stuff just happens. Good reminder...
I've come to realize through this blog and through teaching at the pole studio that my passion is, in fact, to work with women. I'm sure in what capacity yet. I have a couple of different ideas but God and I have been having many talks and he has yet to nail me down to one thing. There is one direction that I am feeling a HUGE pull but I'm not sure if that should be my main focus.
So...yesterday I went with a friend to her church to support her with something and the message kinda struck me...well...wrong. In just about every single way possible. I literally left with a bitter taste in my mouth. And when I say bitter I mean BITTER. The problem was the subject. In fact, it is a subject that is rarely talked about but should be discussed quite often. It was the idea of sin and addiction. Don't get me wrong...being to who I was married to I know quite a bit about what addiction is and what it can do to a person/family but what I didn't like was how the pastor tried to make everyone feel like they had some sort of an addiction whether it be pornography or in his sake, caffeine. I'm sorry...caffeine? That's how you are trying to relate to the people. Caffeine? Caffeine doesn't ruin peoples lives. Caffeine doesn't turn you into a liar. Caffeine can be considered a bad habit but other than that...it is NOTHING in comparison to alcohol or drugs or gambling or sex or pornography. I stewed about it in silence the whole way back to Tempe. Luckily we was meeting D&G for lunch and the moment I got there anger about the whole sermon started flowing out of my mouth. I have no idea where it all came from but man oh MAN! was I aggravated. One of the things I love the most about D&G is the fact that they will tell me their honest opinion about a situation whether I am right or not. In this case they agreed with me. That brought peace to my heart over the inner conflict I was having but still left me with annoyance that so many of the people who attended are going to accept everything that he said as truth and are more than likely going to struggle with things in the future because of it.
I guess it isn't my responsibility to make sure that they find out for themselves. That's why we have agency. Whether they choose to exercise that or not is their own responsibility...not mine. We had an amazing Bible study as well. We are doing a series on Happiness and how it is something that either lives inside of you or you allow to be contingent upon things that are happening around you. For example, I try to be happy at all times. That means even when shitty things are happening to me and you all have to admit I have had quite a bit of that in the last year or two instead of the opposite where I let the things that are happening around me to dictate my mood. Someone cut me off so I'm going to be super pissed off now or anything else like that. This particular lesson focused on the fact that Life Isn't Fair. So often when bad things are happening in our lives we seem to think that we are supposed to be learning something from it. That it MUST be happening for a reason but the reality of the whole matter is that sometimes crappy stuff just plain happens. There doesn't have to be a reason. There doesn't have to be a lesson. It is just plain crappy. That was a good reminder because I went through a phase when a bunch of crappy things were happening questioning what I did to deserve what was happening to me. The answer? Nothing. Something crappy stuff just happens. Good reminder...
Friday, November 5, 2010
Too Connected?
Sometimes I feel too connected. That probably sounds really dumb considering the fact that I am BLOGGING about it but seriously. I just spent the last 30 minutes going through my FaceBook messages plus I have 2 generic email addresses and then I have 3 more accounts for business. One for my makeup stuff, one for my design stuff and one for the surprise I haven't unveiled yet. Oh and I have one for Express MiE too. Isn't that crazy?! I have a phone that has full internet plus I can get emails on it. I just got a new one that actually works so it is making things better especially because my other one used to mysteriously lose text messages and other things. I am so glad to be done with that dumb Blackberry but that isn't the point of this. My point is I can be reached at all times through a series of different avenues. I did it to myself and quite frankly I would be a wreck without it all. That's the catch 22 of this whole experience. I guess I can't really complain because I have done it to myself and I don't really hate it. Does thing post have a point? I guess not...
Dear Body,
I didn't realize it was possible to be this sore. I mean SORE sore. I've done the boyfriends workout a couple days now and my body is kind of a big fan of it but at the same time it is very frustrating because I'm not very good at it. You know that feeling where you do something new and though it may not actually be that hard it feels REALLY hard because you've never done it before so you kinda look and feel like a dumby doing it? Maybe I am the only one that feels like that but it makes me crazy because I want to be good at and and good at it NOW. Stupid delayed gratification. Oh and I haven't forgotten about the pictures. I promise new update photos soon.
Lot's happening in life right now. In fact, there is so much going on that I have no idea where to start so I am going to just leave it here until I can get a plan formulated in my mind.
Lot's happening in life right now. In fact, there is so much going on that I have no idea where to start so I am going to just leave it here until I can get a plan formulated in my mind.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Welcome-ish
For some reason I went from super motivated to super crabby in like no time yesterday. I strongly think that it has to do with the fact that I was driving home from North Scottsdale at about 5:00pm and spent an hour and 15 minutes in traffic. AN HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES! That is retarded considering the fact that it normally takes about 25 at tops. In addition, I stopped by the grocery store and literally every inconsiderate person in the state of Arizona was there. Needless to say by the time I got home I was a train wreck. That's when boyfriend arrived. I felt awful because I'm not crabby very often at all so I was in rare form. Here's the good part. He had me laughing in less than 5 minutes. That's how it is supposed to be. It was kinda funny because he literally walked through the door and the first thing out of my mouth is, "I'm freaking crabby and I don't know why." At least I put it out there, right? Not the best welcome I guess...
Anywho, I have a ton to get done today including but not limited to finishing a logo, website, starting a website, working on a logo for my personal stuff and some life things like grocery shopping. Hope you all have a fan-freaking-tastic day!
Anywho, I have a ton to get done today including but not limited to finishing a logo, website, starting a website, working on a logo for my personal stuff and some life things like grocery shopping. Hope you all have a fan-freaking-tastic day!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
A Little of This and That...
I have a to do list a mile long. How is that still happening?! I mean seriously! I guess there are worse problems to be having then having so much work you aren't sure you will be able to get everything finished. It has been a great day and a half and I am super stoked to see how the rest of the day goes. I am probably going to be stuck working late due to everything that I have to get done but all is well. Not technically working for someone else allows me the flexibility to make my own schedule like that and the likelihood that I work a lot of extra hours for the next little bit is quite high due to the fact that I am building everything up. Some amount of sacrifice has to take place and now is the time to do it because I'm not married and I don't have any kids, you know?
I worked out with the boyfriend last night and all I can say is...man 'o' man am I sore. He doesn't use a lot of weight aside from body weight so it was things like handstand push ups (I just held myself in the handstand form which was hard enough), push ups (I did the real boy kind!), pull ups (he helped me but I did adequately) and chin ups (I almost did one of those myself! but had his help). We then ran a quick mile and when I say quick I mean in almost 10 minutes. That was pretty exciting until my asthma kicked in and I had to use my inhaler. Not the point of the story but none the less related. Not gonna lie...it was really awesome working out with him. He's pretty much rad.
I worked out with the boyfriend last night and all I can say is...man 'o' man am I sore. He doesn't use a lot of weight aside from body weight so it was things like handstand push ups (I just held myself in the handstand form which was hard enough), push ups (I did the real boy kind!), pull ups (he helped me but I did adequately) and chin ups (I almost did one of those myself! but had his help). We then ran a quick mile and when I say quick I mean in almost 10 minutes. That was pretty exciting until my asthma kicked in and I had to use my inhaler. Not the point of the story but none the less related. Not gonna lie...it was really awesome working out with him. He's pretty much rad.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
And the Excitement is Building!
I guess a girl needs to have a panic attack every now and then in order to get her butt in gear. Spurred by the fact that I don't have a real job I met with someone this morning and am so unbelievably excited for what we are going to unveil next week. We are making things happen! This is seriously such a good idea and the maintenance for it is going to be so low but the fun we will be having will be SO high! I'm serious! This is going to be a good one. I am in the midst of working on that particular website along with 2 others and a logo plus there is the stuff that I am doing for Express MiE. It's not like I don't have stuff going on but it is the fact that there isn't a "set" paycheck coming in. This new found excitement for something that I think is going to be HUGE is easing my mind a bit. I'm excited to see where everything is going to go!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Confessions of an Entrepreneur
I had my first "holy sh*t I don't technically have a job" panic attack today. It was kind of a mini version of what I think I am capable of but still. It was the whole tightness in my throat followed by the "what on God's green earth was I thinking" thoughts. Luckily boyfriend talked me down and then I had a kick butt work out. All of this was followed by a not so awesome weekend so I think I was in full anxiety mode.
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