You Look Different With Clothes On

How did I forget to include this story with my post from the other day?! Here's the background to it. When I teach at Express MiE there is a certain look I tend to have. It is the gym clothes, hair pulled back with minimal makeup look. Why? Because even though I'm teaching I'm still working out. Anywho, at the Soiree party on Saturday night I had a couple of girls say to me, "Wow! You look different with clothes on!". It cracked me up because I knew what they meant. They meant I look different in normal, everyday clothes but the way they said it made me sound...well...like I was naked all the time. The girl working the bar with me was kinda startled the first time someone said it to me but don't worry...I let her in on the secret.

I feel like I have kinda hit my groove in the whole teaching fitness classes thing. Every time I do it I get a little more comfortable and more of my personality comes out. You may be surprised but I'm shy when it comes to meeting new people and it is super intimidating to walk in front of a room full of people I don't really know. I guess it is also a bit easier since I am starting to get to know the girls. Even though there are new girls every time I see the familiar faces it and immediately puts me at ease.

Boyfriend isn't feeling good and it is breaking my heart. He isn't one of those whiney obnoxious guys. Instead he is the tough it out and everything will turn out fine kind. He isn't fine though. He needs sleep...and lots of it. Good thing is he finally honored that tonight and sent himself to bed. Hopefully he will be better tomorrow otherwise I'm going to try to peer pressure him into taking the day off. This weekend is another busy one and if he keeps pushing like he has been he is going to land himself in the land of REALLY sick and miss my birthday which would be under the not-awesome category.

I got an interesting opportunity tonight. I know a gal who does stagings for houses. If you don't know (I certainly didn't) what that is it is when an investor purchases a house and hires someone to come in a decorate it to help it sell faster and for more money. It may not be 100% decorated like, for example, the dining, kitchen and sitting areas may be mostly done but the master bedroom may just have a fake tree or something. The gal who does it wasn't feeling very good so she contacted me to come and help her out. When I got there the house was completely empty and by the time I left a mere 6 hours later it was completely (as much as it was going to be) done. I help hang pictures, set the table and a bunch of other odd jobs like that. I absolutely loved doing it because house decorating isn't my strong suit so it was interesting to be around someone that just sees stuff in her mind and then makes it happen in the house. Plus I made a little extra money which is much appreciated at this point.

Can you believe I am turning 30 in just 3 days and a wake up?! I can't! Time is going so fast!

I Don't Want to Scare Off the Old People

I'm friggin' exhausted and tried to nap for over 2 hours but sleep evaded me. Why am I so tired you ask? Well...you saw my schedule from yesterday but what I didn't know at the time was I was going to let myself get talked into going out on the town with a bunch of the girls after the event. Let's get something straight right now. I used to be a party animal and when I say party animal I am talking the kind that goes out until 2:00am or later 5-6 nights a week. Sometimes I would even be up until 5:00 in the morning. Looking back at it now I haven no idea how I did it because I got home at 2:30 this morning and I didn't drink last night but when I woke up this morning at 5:45 (because I had to leave for church by 6:15 because I was working graphics) I literally felt like I had a HORRIFIC hangover. My eyes ached. My head hurt. I couldn't think straight. I had a good time for the most part but all in all it wasn't really worth it come waking up time. Maybe if my body would slow down enough to nap it might be better but so far no such luck.

Anywho, back to last night. We all had a great time at Express MiE between the cocktail hour and the demos. The demographic for the studio is quite vast so it varies from early 20's until well...older than that. We headed out to a bar in downtown Tempe for the evening. We got there all ready to dance and the DJ wasn't playing anything good. We endured it for a while until I couldn't handle it anymore. I went over to talk to him. Asked him to play something dirty. Like the kind of stuff you can really dance to. Do you know what he said? He said, "There are still a bunch of old people here and I don't want to scare them off." To which I quickly responded, "Oh...don't worry. They're with us." As I walked away and the music changed it struck me. We are in downtown Tempe. A total college town. I'm almost 30. I'm a part of that "old" crowd. I think I'm okay with it though cause us "old" gals tore it up way better than the young kids did.

Good Times!

What an invigorating day! Zumba class followed by helping a friend followed by teaching a fun group of girls for a bachelorette party followed by taking a quick nap followed by trying on a bunch of clothes to try to find something that actually fits because they are all too big since I've lost more inches followed by cleaning the yard a bit followed by writing a blog post soon to be followed by a quick 1.5 mile run so I get my miles this week (and makeup from last week) then getting ready for the huge tri-yearly event at Express MiE where I get to play bartender for a bunch of amazing girls. Life = awesome!

So...if you haven't gathered already things have take a dramatic turn for the better. I prayed about what I should do about what happened and again...He answered my prayer. All is well...all is well.

Here's a random thought. Boys and girls are so different. I know you all are probably thinking, "Um...duh!" but I had another reminder last night when Boyfriend and I were trying to decide what to do. Boyfriend says "We should practice some wrestling moves." Um...let's just say Boyfriend is an EXTREMELY good wrestler and I know...well...nothing. What he should have actually said was, "Why don't I throw you around a little bit." For boys this equals fun. For me? This equalled him not realizing how strong he is and when he gently flipped me I gently SMASHED my shoulder directly into the floor so this actually equalled me crying. Fun, huh? Not exactly on either of our top ten list of things we wanted to do but oh well. We then decided wrestling was out for the night and played scrabble instead. Invigorating? I know. Oh and if you haven't guessed it already that means we finished the stupid Harley Davidson mosaic puzzle. I'll probably need a chiropractic appointment to recover from having to hunch over that dang thing but who cares. It's done.

I have a bunch of other completely random thoughts running through my head but I also have the fact that I still need to run at the forefront so...I'm off!

Word of the Day?

Discouragement. Yup. That pretty much sums up my feelings about today. Towards the end of today I had one of those cake toppers moments where I smashed my finger between the handles of the fridge and freezer. Don't get me wrong...it hurt but it most certainly didn't hurt as much as it seemed at the moment. It was the instant lip quiver quickly followed by tears and lots of them. Luckily Boyfriend grabbed me for a much needed hug the moment after it happened. I'm not going to share the details of what happened because quite frankly some things I want to keep private but in the words of Boyfriend, "It wasn't fair", and I agree. It definitely gave me a lot of think about as far as what I want moving forward but that is neither here nor there. Right now...this very moment...I am stuck in the land of discouragement. I may stay here...in the land of discouragement...for a couple of days but ultimately God knows what is best. Sometimes the only thing worse that not getting what you pray for is to get what you pray for, you know?

Shoulda Coulda Woulda

Consider the funk mode to have arrived....officially. I know it has A LOT to do with how much has been happening the last couple of weeks as well as the fact that my body is trying REALLY hard to get sick but the cloud of sadness has ascended over me. I'm not sure how it happens. It sneaks up on me and then all of the sudden there are grey clouds everywhere. Actually...I do know how it happened this time but I'm trying to not be honest with myself. The reality is that in one week and a day I turn 30. The big 3-0. Now...I'm not bothered with that fact. I actually have the mentality of "Bring it on!" but then I think about all of the things that I haven't accomplished. I know you all may not agree but I really don't feel like I have a lot in the world right now and I'm not talking about stuff. I know I have lamented about this before but I'm not married (I actually failed at that one), I don't have kids, I don't own a house, I actually don't have a "real" job, and I'm still not in the shape I want to be in. I know I should be focusing on all of the things I do have like the most amazing boyfriend on the planet, a great part time job that I get to make a difference in other women's lives, I have a place to live, I have a niece and nephews that amaze me more every time I see them, I have a family that is beyond the best, and I have friends that would do anything for me. Why am I so focused on what I don't have?! Seriously. It makes me sick even writing all of that. Oh well...it is what it is.

Back to this being sick thing. I have had so much going on between my brother's wedding last weekend, Vegas the weekend before and then all of the working out I have been doing due to picking up more classes at Express MiE. I was fortunate enough to have one of my most favorite friends attend my Zumba class on Tuesday night and she was great enough to put a bunch of stuff in perspective and to also give me the greatest advice...rest. I rested a bunch yesterday including spending close to 4 hours working on this dumb mosaic Harley Davidson logo puzzle boyfriend and I got. (Mini rant here...I think if you are going to make a puzzle like that you should HAVE to make a true mosaic that DOESN'T reuse the photos.Ugh.) I then had to make up some of my running so I did 2.7 miles and did my work out but it was much later in the day so resting was the main portion of my day. I have to take care of my body because it now takes care of my bills.

I have been looking for a part time job for ages now. Here is what I have run into. People want you to have 100% open schedule. Let's just say...if that was the case then I wouldn't be looking for part time work would I? Or they want you to do the kind of job where you should be making close to $20 an hour for like $7. Seriously?! Or who knows what else. So...that means I haven't had much luck. I want something where I can work for like 4 or 5 hours a day doing something. I don't want to be any kind of a boss. I actually am fine doing my thing really well and then leaving all the management and whatnot to the people who really WANT it. I don't. I want to do a great job and then go home. Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is.

I think I am going to spend the day working on the puzzle, making a super delicious dinner, working out, and then getting ready and going to my TD meeting. The sad thing is I'm not 100% looking forward to it. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE the weekend and I am so honored to get to serve. I love the women who are in charge of it but there is some outside drama that I'm just not in the mood for. Does that make sense? Anywho...I better get to it before I stay in bed all day.

Oh Where Oh Where to Start...

Let the floodgates open! Seriously...I have had so much happen the last couple of days and I am way behind in sharing all of the funness/growth that has taken place. I am to the point where I have no idea where I should even start. Here is the list...

Coffee with a friend
My brother's wedding
My second Zumba class
Crocheting
Running less than 5 miles
When I'm with You - JJ Heller
Trusting God
Accepting that I am in the right place at the right time
New friends
Changing...when other people don't

After viewing the list I am choosing to write first about running less than 5 miles. It happened last week. I only ran 3.4 miles for the whole week. I let myself become overwhelmed with teaching 4 new fitness classes and my brother's wedding that I let go of one of my resolutions. I'm kinda disappointed in myself but I'm not dwelling on it. It happened and I have a solution. I made an agreement with myself that if I happen to run less than the 5 miles per week I have to make up whatever miles I didn't run in the next week. For example, last week I was 1.6 miles short. That means that this week I have to run my regular 5 miles PLUS that 1.6 miles for a total of 6.6 miles. Now...I don't know about you but I personally hate that idea which is good because I will be more likely to stay of task...especially come summer. I have 1.2 miles down for the week so far so I only have 5.4 to go. Ugh. I think I am going to get 2 miles in today and tomorrow which will leave 1.4 for Thursday and Friday. Oh! That sounds very manageable! Also, another piece to the running pie is if I happen to run more than 5 miles in a week the miles don't roll over. I know my personality and that will lead me down the slippery slope of getting behind and making excuses. That is one of the greatest things about getting to know your TRUE self (not the one you want it to be). You start setting yourself up for success instead of constant failure, you know?

That's it for now. I'm sure there will be some more posts by the end of the day but I have a to do list of stuff to get done so I better get crackin'.

Sunday Already?!

I have so much that I want to write about but I am so exhausted I don't know where to start. It has been a whirlwind of a week and I swear it just keeps happening. All very good, exciting things but still...my body has had it. Physically I'm exhausted but spiritually I am empowered by the physical capabilities of...I'm not really sure where I was going with that. I think I am going to hit the hay and try this post again tomorrow. Yup...that's exactly what I am going to do.

Houston...We Have a Winner!

Sometimes it can take a really long time to figure out what works for you. Trial and failure become your closest friends. At least they have become mine. I guess it can't be 100% failure because each time I fail that means there is one less thing in my way of success. Not my point but a good thought none the less. My point is sometimes you have to try many different things before you figure out what is really going to work for you. We all know that the main reason I started this blog journey is because I wanted to lose weight. Not lose but get rid of once and for all. It's hard. It's really hard. It's hard to stay motivated. It's hard to not get frustrated. It's hard to not say, "f*ck it," and just do whatever you want without thinking about consequences. At least it is for me. Maybe it is easy for you all people out there but it isn't for me.

I have started and stopped so many different things that I don't think I could even count them all. Express MiE has been a constant through this whole journey but everything else has been...well...irresolute. (Good word, huh?) I have been looking and looking for the thing that will help me stay motivated and ladies...I have found it. In the form of a Harley Davidson motorcycle calendar and dog print stickers. Yes, you read that right. A Harley Davidson motorcycle calendar and dog print stickers. Oh and boyfriend but he is a given at this point. Back to the Harley Davidson motorcycle calendar and dog print stickers. They have become my best motivations. Along with running 5 miles a week we also have a goal to do our core exercises 5 times a week. We track that by adding a sticker to the calendar for everyday that we do our core and run. Yes, I am like a kindergartner. I want my sticker everyday. There have been actual days that Boyfriend and I didn't want to work out in any way, shape or form but we did...for the sticker. (Oh and we also use the calendar to track our activities, miles run and I keep a post it note on the side where I list who I want to send thank you notes to.)

We aren't completely strict with it because, for example, this week a bunch of family is going to be in town for my brother's wedding so that means that at least one day is going to be a complete bust. We are making up our miles on other days and are just going to forgo our workout on Friday. I think another important aspect of success is being flexible. Sometimes you just can't do it all. Sometimes you have to pick and choose activities and sometimes working out loses. Friday it is losing. You just can't let it lose too often. Boyfriend and I made an agreement that the minimum we can ever work out in a week is 3 days. If we make a habit of doing just the minimum though I can't honestly and genuinely feel success. Let's say that for 4 weeks we only workout our minimum of 3 times a week as opposed to our goal of 5. The difference is HUGE!

3 times a week over 4 weeks = 12 workouts

5 times a week over 4 weeks = 20 workouts

3 times a week over 4 weeks = 1200 crunches

5 times a week over 4 weeks = 2000 crunches

3 times a week over 4 weeks = 144 pull ups and chin ups

5 times a week over 4 weeks = 240 pull ups and chin ups

3 times a week over 4 weeks = 600 squats

5 times a week over 4 weeks = 1000 squats 

See? It is a gynormous difference. That is why we HAVE to make a commitment to our health. Me and me alone is the deciders of my priorities. I just so happen to have aligned my priorities with someone else's but I still have to view them as a priority otherwise it won't happen.

"Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work." ~ H. L. Hunt

Not gonna lie...this next idea is really rad so get your idea stealing books out. Boyfriend is hysterical. I mean the kind of funny that you don't find very often. I think a lot of it has to do with how awkward he pretends to be. We are a lot alike when it comes to that. Watching us together is a lot like watching a slow moving car accident. It almost hurts but there is nothing that you can do about it....except watch and be embarrassed for us because we certainly aren't embarrassed for ourselves.

Anywho, with all of this funniness around me I often find myself thinking about something that he did that made me laugh and it makes me laugh all over again. And when I saw often I mean a couple times a day. Wow...I'm having a terrible time coming to a point with this whole thing. Idea...idea...oh yeah...the idea you are going to want to steal is I decided that instead of keeping those moments to myself I started a book. I took just a cheap-o spiral bound notebook and used a plain black permanent marker to write the following title on the book: Why I Love Boyfriend by Kathy. I chose to write about why I love him instead of writing about the things that make me laugh because making me laugh is one of the main things that I love about him but it isn't the only thing. What I do is everyday I write the date and then add a sentence or two about why I love him. I didn't tell him I was going to make the book. Just one day I started it and put it in a place that I knew he was going to see everyday. It's kinda fun writing in it. It makes me reflect on why exactly I love him. Hard to take someone for granted when you are always looking for ways to recognize them, you know?

Expectations.

Expectations are a funny creature. Other people put them on you. You put them on yourself. In all reality, what are they really about? For example, let's take the Zumba class I just started teaching tonight. I went through the Zumba training a week and 2 days ago, I had 2 other classes to prepare for, I did a dry run every single day, I practiced for an hour and 15 minutes before my class started and do you know what happened? I gassed out about 30 minutes in due to being too nervous to eat and I forgot about 3 songs worth of choreography. My solutions? Squats...and lots of them. Let's just say...I am already sore. I then had to come home and run. 2 miles. Ugh. I tried working out with Boyfriend but my body said, "NO!" I listened to it. I did my pull ups and chin ups but the rest of it I decided that 2 hours of working out was enough for the day. I'm afraid of overdoing it, you know?

Back to expectations. The gal who taught Zumba before me is AMAZING! I felt all of this pressure like I had to be just as AMAZING as her...even though I am new at it. I stressed myself out about it. Obsessed about it. Thought about it. Talked about it. I built it up to be this giant thing that I couldn't possibly accomplish. The funny part about all of it is that even though my very first class wasn't as spectacular as I wanted it the girls left smiling and sweaty. I'm going to hold onto that.

I need to let go of expectations a bit. To some degree they are good because they cause you to strive for more. They cause you to do better. They push you to become the best version of yourself BUT...but if left unchecked they can quickly turn into the complete opposite. They can cause you to beat yourself up. They can cause you to stress out to the max. They can completely and utterly destroy you if you let it. How do you find a good balance? In my experience, I think it is unfortunately a little bit of trial and error. A bit too much and then not enough. Back and forth it goes until finally...finally you have the right combination. As far as expectations from others go? You have to decide for yourself whether that expectation is A. Fair and B. Necessary. If it doesn't match either of those I say throw it right out the window. Easier said than done, huh?

Operation Hot Kathy...Now In Effect

Last night I taught my first 2 fitness classes, Country Linercise and Cardio Ballroom, at Express MiE and let's just say...I'm a little sore. I hope the girls are too. Is that a bad thing to hope for? I guess if I am teaching a fitness class it isn't, right? Anywho, this morning as I soredly (I know it's not a word but it fits what I am trying to say) woke up I came to the realization that not only am I going to get other people in shape but I too will be getting TORE up. My legs have always and will always be my problem area. This will help along with running 5 miles every week. When I got home last night I was so jazzed that I had a hard time falling asleep. It's nice feeling like I found my calling in life, you know? I know there are still more things that I need to work out but for the most part things are happening and I am super grateful for that.

Le' Go My Ego

Yes, I know...that was a sad play on the Eggo commercial but it kinda fit my mood last night. Let's just say my desire to NOT work out couldn't have been any lower than it was. I fought Boyfriend tooth and nail trying to avoid it. I tried the ole' "let's just make it up before we leave for Vegas on Saturday". I also tried the "let's just not do it at all" thing but like the good workout partner he is...he got me up in and into the gym but I wasn't happy about it. I begrudgingly did my push ups. I begrudgingly did my sit ups. I begrudgingly did my crunches. I begrudgingly did my pull ups. I begrudgingly did my chin ups. Very begrudgingly. Very, very begrudgingly. Then it came time to put our mile in (hereinafter referred to as "running").

Now...we all know how I feel about running. I loath it. Okay...it's not that bad but it is a love/hate relationship. I love the instant gratification of beating my last time or going farther than I ever have. That part I like...a lot. The running part? Not so much. Anywho, last night it was on the "hate it" side. We had already eaten dinner so I was running on a semi-full stomach as well as the fact that I just didn't plain want to do it. At all. The new route we are taking is a little bit longer and there is a patch that is pretty dark...okay really dark. Side note: if you have met Boyfriend then you know it is no secret that he is in tip top shape. The kind of shape that isn't really normal. He is also really fast when it comes to running. I am not. I am not and I am okay with it...until last night at least. Back to my story, normally he runs ahead of me and I run in his dust cloud but since it was so late he didn't want me running by myself. I was running with Brutus, the 90 pound German Shepherd, so I was feeling pretty safe but Boyfriend still didn't me running on my own so he fell in line behind me.

We got on our way all the while I didn't want to be there. At all. I had my headphones on because running is easier for me to do when I have something besides putting one foot in front of the other to focus on. Also, another side note, I have been listening to my Zumba playlist and I have designed pretty much all of my choreography while running so I guess it does serve some sort of a purpose. Anyway, back to me not wanting to run. At all. I was trucking along at a pace slow enough to not vomit my dinner up when I suddenly had an idea I wanted to share with boyfriend so I stopped and turned around so I could tell him. Do you have any idea what image my eyes were assaulted with? He was walking. WALKING! I was running so slow that he was WALKING behind me. Here I was feeling kinda proud of myself that I was running at all when Boyfriend was so freaking unchallenged that he started walking. Ugh. Just writing that makes me want to gag all over again. Don't get me wrong...he was "speed" walking but STILL. Walking. Walking. Ugh. Walking. I went from loving him to wanting to punch him in the face with one turn of my head. I still loved him but at the same time wanted to punch him. Hard. Right in the face. So with that turn of my head I went from being proud and content to absolutely ashamed.

Shame. It's amazing what shame can do to us. Here's the reality about me. It is somewhat disheartening to work out with him in the first place because he is in such good shape and everything is so easy for him. It's not like that for me. The stuff we do is really hard. Now...I know if I were to throw him in a Zumba class the shoe would be on the other foot but we aren't in a Zumba class. We are at home...working out. Back to the run, my desire to talk to him completely went out the window. In fact, I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to run with him. I didn't want to be around him. At all. I think I remember saying something like, "for the love of God run in front of me at your own pace. Running in your dust is far less insulting then having you walk behind me." At first he refused to leave me in the dark by myself but I guess the look on my face convinced him. Brutus was the perfect escort home.

I was hoping that the rest of the run home would help me to alleviate my rage but I was wrong. It only got worse. He tried to explain himself when I got home but he only managed to make it worse by saying something like, "you weren't supposed to turn around." He said a bunch of other stuff too but I pretty much stopped listening at that sentence. *Gag* Again, the look I must have given him convinced him to stop talking. We went to get ready for bed and I was still mad. Like MAD mad. Fortunately my shower softened me a bit. A very tiny bit but a bit none the less. I actually had a conversation with myself that went something like this.

Me: "Why are you so mad at him?"
Me: "He was walking."
Me: "So?"
Me: "...So? HE WAS WALKING!"
Me: "..."
Me: "WALKING!!!!!"
Me: "Do you think he did it to intentionally hurt you?"
Me"....shit."

By the time I was done with my shower I was actually to the point of being willing to listen to what he had to say. I still wasn't happy with him but here's the rest of the blah, blah, blah I didn't listen to earlier.

1. He was really proud of me that I ran at all because he knew I didn't want to.
2. I wasn't supposed to turn around. (I heard that part earlier and somehow it still made me mad.)
3. He didn't do it to make me feel bad. He was actually trying to make me feel better by us being together instead of him dusting me (my words on that part).
4. He was really sorry that he hurt me. That was the exact opposite of what he wanted to do.

By the end of our convo I was kinda over it but it was still a major hit to the ole' ego. I'm not mad at him anymore. I know it has nothing to do with him. As hard as I have tried in so many areas of my life it is blatantly clear that I still am harboring feelings of inadequacy. I don't feel completely good enough for him. I know it is stupid but I actually was afraid that he wouldn't want to be with me because I couldn't run fast enough. Isn't that sad? Once again, God is good at showing me what I need to work on so I can become the best version of me.

The funny thing about all of this is, thinking back as to what the idea I wanted to share with Boyfriend was...I couldn't tell you because I don't remember.

Cut the Crap Already

In a world of complete and utter bullshit it is refreshing to come across an honest joe. Let's face it. Us girls can be fake. I'm not saying everyone is but I'm saying, as a whole, the female gender fakes it. They fake being happy. They fake being happy for you. They fake loving to do stuff. They fake being the perfect Mom. They fake being the perfect wife. They fake being the perfect friend. They fake being the perfect girlfriend. They fake being the perfect employee. They spend all this time being fake that they soon forget...who they really are. At least that's my opinion.

I try to be real. Now I'm not saying that I think I am better than anyone else but I am saying that it is just far too tiring...this being perfect thing. I could care less what people think about me. Seriously. All of that fakeness makes me want to vomit. Here's the deal, I could spend a bunch of time pretending to do all of the things that other people think that I should do or I could just live my life...with or without those people. To be honest, I would rather have the "without them" then to spend any of my time pretending to be something that I am not just so they like me or accept me. You know what I mean? It's just far too much effort. Either you accept me or you don't. Well...that was an completely unnecessary rant and not at all the point of my post.

What was my point again? Oh yeah, no BS.  Last night I ran into someone who I hadn't really talked to in a long time. We are friends on Facebook and kinda keep up that way but as far as real talking goes there hasn't been much, if any, of that. Anywho, I was teaching a private party last night and she came into the studio a bit before the class started so we got a chance to chat. She asked me a ton of questions and complimented me on my progress. We chatted for a bit about all of the exciting things happening in my life and then I asked her, "how are you doing?" Now...this answer could have easily gone a couple different ways.

a. "I'm great!" and she meant it.
b. "I'm great!" and she was faking.
c. "Not great" and she meant it.

Guess which one she chose. Yup. C. I'm not happy that was the response because I truly think she is a great gal and deserves the world but her raw honestly was so refreshing. She could have easily faked it and lied because she didn't want me to think poorly of her (even though I wouldn't have) or her life. She didn't though. She was absolutely candid with me and, to be honest, it made me respect her even more. I wish I had more relationships like that. Even some of my close friends and family feel like they have to embellish how they are doing which is extra sad because I usually can tell the truth through their behavior. I wish everyone could just take their masks off and be...real.

Ways I'm Imperfect 

by Kathy 

1. I'm crappy at keeping in touch. Emailing, facebook messages, texting and voicemails...I suck at them all. 

2. I have a little bit of "hail damage" on my upper legs.

3. I'm impatient.

4. I sometimes (okay...often) run late.

I could go on and on and on but I won't. I'm not perfect and that's okay. It's also an okay response when asked how you are doing to say, "not good". You can't poop rainbows everyday.

What Gives?

I have bloggers block which doesn't make any sense because I have so much I want to write about and yet...when I sit down to write it I have nothing. Nothing except for a bunch of unfinished thoughts just waiting for an exit from my mind only to have the end result of still being locked up there. I've seriously started and stopped writing at least 3 different posts due to lack of a finished thought. Maybe by this time tomorrow they will have rippened to the point of being ready but until then...I got nothing.

Here's My Exciting News!

This part is still exciting but not the NEW exciting news that I haven't shared yet. Starting this coming Monday, January 17th - Saturday, February 26th this is my schedule at Express MiE:

Monday
5:30 - 6:15 PM Country Linercise
6:15 - 7:00 PM Ballroom Blast
7:00 - 7:30 PM Intro to Pole

Tuesday
7:00 - 7:45 PM Zumba

Saturday
9:15 - 10:00 AM Zumba

Then on February 2nd - February 26th I get a couple more classes and it changes to this:

Monday
5:30 - 6:15 PM Country Linercise
6:15 - 7:00 PM Ballroom Blast
7:00 - 7:30 PM Intro to Pole

Tuesday
7:00 - 7:45 PM Zumba

Wednesday
6:15 - 7:00 PM Pretty Woman
7:00 - 7:45 PM Foxy Arms

Saturday
9:15 - 10:00 AM Zumba
10:45 - 11:30 AM Pretty Woman

The second part is my exciting news! I am going to become personal training certified and starting in February I am going to start teaching the more intensive courses that include weight lifting. Isn't that exciting?! The session after this one it will change slightly but for the next 6 or so weeks...here it is! 

Really?!, 3,500 Calories and The 29 #16

I woke up at the wonderful time of 4:45am yesterday morning to the smell of boyfriend cooking me the yummiest breakfast. After eating, showering and making sure I had everything I needed I was on the road by 5:30. I stopped for gas and made it a couple minutes down the road when BAM! A guy took a right hand turn a little wide and when I mean wide I mean he was trying to come straight in the middle lane...where I was. My poor Barbara has a scrape along her side.

See? It doesn't look too bad but it was completely unnecessary. All he had to do was turn into the far right lane where he belonged and this whole this would have been avoided. Fortunately he only bumped me. No one was hurt and the damages were minimal compared to what they could have been. Boyfriend came down and met me to make sure I had everything I needed since we all know what happened the last time I tried to play nice...I got completely screwed. The other guy wasn't cited but he and his friend both admitted guilt in front of the police officer so in case he tries to lie I have the cop as a witness to his admission. After information was exchanged and photos were taken I was on the road again by 6:30 but this time I needed to drive pretty much straight through.

Without speeding I made it to the training with 10 minutes to spare. I walked in the room, signed my waiver, put on my workout shoes and we started. Good thing I left extra time...just in case. I was glad that I didn't allow the accident to ruin my day because I could have easily let that happen. Back to the class, after I stood up from putting my shoes on and looked around I honestly felt like I had walked into some kind of a Zumba dreamland. The other gals were dressed in Zumba gear from the ties in their hair to their shirts to their pants. Full makeup. Hair styled beautifully. I felt like I had missed some sort of a memo. After the first hour though...I felt much better. They were sweaty makeup wrecks and I pretty much looked the same except sweaty. Sometimes it pays to be low maintenance.

The first hour was a Master's Class which means it was taught by a master teacher, Vanessa, that gal that was training us. She has been teaching Zumba since 2004 and training Instructors since 2007. Oh. My. Gosh. I was dripping sweat and I don't generally sweat...at all. Not even when I hiked the Grand Canyon did I sweat this much. The rest of the day was a blur of sweating and learning and sweating and learning some more. We cruised through all of the information and were done by 5:05pm. After evaluations were filled out, pictures taken, and certificates were given out I left at 5:30 a Licensed Zumba Instructor. All in all we spent 8 hours together and it has been proven over and over again that the average amount of calories burned at one of those training days is....wait for it...wait for it...3,500 per person! That's an AVERAGE which means that some burn more and some burn less. I definitely felt like burned close to that. In fact, when I woke up this morning I was so sore that my fingernails hurt. This is comparable to when I hiked the Grand Canyon except this is an all over hurt instead of a my calves feeling like they are going to fall off. I have a lot of practice to do over the next week but thank goodness I taught Ballroom for a while. I already knew so many of the moves that the other women were trying to get. My learning curve is going to be a lot smaller than a lot of the other gals because of it. I guess God knew what he was doing after all...

I learned a lot about myself at the training. I guess it was I more saw how much progress I have made. I met a gal that reminded me a lot of my 18 year old self except she was in her late 30's. I was a hard core "my way or the highway" person. I still struggle with it to a degree but yesterday, for example, we had an exercise where we had to design a small section of choreography for a song and we had to decide amongst ourselves what we wanted to do. I had no problem sitting back and letting everyone give their opinions. Some things just don't matter and the one we chose was really neat. We all decided on one and practiced it for 10 minutes and THEN...then the mother hens kicked in. "We should do this. We should change this. We should blah, blah, blah." It got to the point that I finally did say something but it wasn't about making sure that everything was my way. All I said was they were trying to make it too hard. The one gal did the ole' how do you know response and I said because I actually teach fitness classes right now. She shut her mouth quick on that response. It's hard to argue with that considering the fact that Vanessa asked all of the women who were currently teaching fitness classes to raise their hands and 2 of us raised our hands...out of 52. That made me feel blessed. Christie, the owner of Express MiE, has invested so much into me and given me a lot of chances that I am going to be forever grateful for. The main thing being that I found myself for the first real time at her studio. That reminds me...I can finally share my great news! I'll write about it later today. Hah!

Why Do I Keep Forgetting?!

People can be shitty. And I mean that in the nicest of ways. I'm not going to name names or share details. I am leaving that comment at just what it is. A broad, non-descriptive, somewhat politically incorrect comment. I do have to say that I am thankful for

Onto better things...yesterday was boyfriend's birthday and we cooked a very fitting Thanksgiving style dinner down to the turkey, stuffing, rolls, mashed potatoes and gravy. Fitting because I am very thankful that he was born. I'm sure you guys are sick of hearing it but I am so lucky to have him in my life. Anywho, I thought I would share the recipes I tried. They aren't exactly healthy but they are delicious!

Sweet Dinner Rolls

Carrot Cake

Both of them are the kind of delicious that you would expect at a high end restaurant. I freaking love Allrecipes! Oh and guess what I bought boyfriend for his birthday aside from some obnoxious OSU slippers? A hot air balloon ride! Isn't that awesome?! Except for the fact that I don't do heights. At all. Should be challenging but I knew he would love it so I guess I need to start praying for peace now.

I found out something VERY exciting today but guess who can't share anything yet? That's right...me. Let's just say that lately I have been doing a lot of praying to figure out what direction God wants me to go and I have gotten...Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Zippo. Just the sound of crickets and let me tell you...they don't sound so good.

Be still. I forgot to be still. I even have that very line TATTOOED on the inside of my left wrist. How did I forget that? Why did I have to be reminded?

I had a conversation with a really good friend yesterday that ended with me talking in a very raised voice that I didn't know what God wants from me. I was led to quit the construction company. I was lead to the ballroom studio but then to leave it after I got what I needed from it. I have now been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting...not patiently I might add...for some guidance. I kept trying to fill my time so I felt useful all the while I was begging for a direction. I lost it yesterday. I was all sorts of angry with God. What the hell, you know? I'm smart. I'm talented. I fun. I'm completely and utterly useless right now. At least that is how I feel. In my heart of hearts I know that isn't true but I still struggle with feeling it.

I'm sure you are wondering what my point to all of this is. My point is...I got my direction this morning. The details around how it happened are pretty screwed up so I am stuck in the land of being upset about how it happened but also being so thankful that it did. Confusing? I know. There are still a bunch of details that need to be worked out but the fact of the matter is I GOT MY ANSWER!

Gummy Bears, Ritz Crackers and Diet Dr. Pepper

What do all of those things have in common? They are what I had for breakfast this morning. That's right folks...that's what I ate to start my day. The breakfast of champions....or not. That's what I get when I run out of the house without some real food in me. I scrounge for whatever I can find and those items happened to be what I found in my car. Where they all came from I couldn't tell you but there you have it. Some people think that I am some super woman that is invisible to all things unhealthy but as you can see...I'm not. At all. I eat crappy things sometimes. I make unhealthy choices. I do things that completely set myself up for failure like leaving the house with an empty stomach BUT...but I don't dwell on it. I did it. I moved on. I made better choices for lunch. In fact, I had some lovely BBQ chicken with pineapple. That's the great thing about life. You can start over anytime. You don't have to wait until tomorrow hoping that it will be better. The whole day isn't blown to smithereens. I made poor choices for breakfast but I made awesome choices for lunch.

A healthy life isn't about being perfect. It isn't about exercising everyday or sometimes multiple times a day. A healthy life isn't about how many miles you run or how much weight you lift. A healthy life isn't about what you do or don't eat. A healthy life is about loving yourself. A healthy life is about being who you are and wearing your personality with pride. A healthy life is about being able to look yourself in the mirror and knowing that you tried your best and even if you ate gummy bears, ritz cracks and drank Diet Dr. Pepper for breakfast you didn't let it defeat you. You didn't let it consume you. You didn't let it rack you with guilt. You took it in stride and made the changes you needed to make in order to do better next time because next time is the only thing you have left to control. You can't undo what you did so why dwell on it. Fix it and move on. Be better. Do better. Live better.

More Great Ideas!

I love it when I hear (like RRWW) or read neat little tricks that can make my life substantially easier and I had one of those such moments when I was reading Walmarts magazine called All You. I'm not really a magazine reader but since one of my New Year's resolutions is to meal plan I picked it up for one of the articles. Let's just say...it was mind blowing. The article was written by a women who feeds her family of 7, 5 people and 2 dogs, on $350 per month. Crazy! I know, right?! Anywho, this women shared her secret and I am stealing all of them! I highly recommend you pick up the magazine for yourself (it's only $2.49) but here are the highlights directly from the article.

Tip 1: Plot out a month's worth of meals. 

Tip 2: Shop once a month.

Tip 3: Cook in batches.

Only about one and a half of those is actually something that I am going to do but they alone made it worth it. Tip one is fantastic because I would only have to meal plan 12 times per year AND if I plan my meals out enough in advance I can collect coupons for items I am going to need for the next months meals. For example, let's say I choose to make pot pie on February 17 and I run across a coupon for pie crust I can save it until I go shopping for my February list. This helps with another goal I haven't been vocal about but have been doing for the last couple of weeks...price matching. I write my shopping list for the week and then go through all of the ads from other grocery stores and mark down any items that I have on my list that are on super sale. I then take those ads and grocery shop at Walmart. They will match any of the prices that other stores offer as long as the item is the exact same. Generics don't count. Last week I saved $25 off of a $75 bill. I'm doing pretty good but I want to get even better with my finances. This will help me....a lot. By this weekend I am planning on having the rest of January planned and by this time next week the entire month of February.

Tip 2 is great...to a degree. I can most definitely shop for canned, frozen and dry items but things like produce I will still have to get on a weekly basis. The article recommended cutting some stuff out of your diet but this girl will not go without apples. I won't. I love them too much. Anywho, this one is good because I buy all of my produce at Sprouts and I am less likely to but random stuff there, mainly because there isn't a lot, then when I shop at Walmart or Fry's. Some statistic they quoted said that, on average, people spend 50% more than they intended when they do quick stops at the store. I honestly have to agree with that one.

There you have it folks. The next phase to me completing my New Year's resolutions. The super great thing is if I am short on time one night and need to change menus I have 29 other days to choose from and we will always have stuff leftover for lunches and we are less likely to go out to eat if we know we have food to fix and cooking together is fun. That's a lot of "ands" so I know this is a good idea. Again, like yesterday, feel free to steal this idea!

Also, I can't remember if I posted about this thought or not so I am going to write it just in case. I have started keeping all of my menus in a notebook rather than keeping a running list of recipes to make. This cuts out having to keep 2 lists and if I am ever having a mind block of stuff to make I will have a whole notebook menus. I am also thinking of making a binder that holds all of the recipes in 1 place so I don't have to keep my laptop in the kitchen, which makes me nervous, and I can easily mark the recipe up if I make any kind of a change. Neat, huh?

RRWW

My younger sister told me this really cool idea that she got from someone called RRWW. Now I know that looks a little less than exciting but you need to hear this one out. Her friend does it every Sunday and what it stand for is Read, Read, Write, Write. To clarify further is it:

Read the Bible

Read a church related article

Write a letter

Write in your journal

Since I already journal on a pretty regular basis (in fact, I am right now) I am changing it to the following for me.

Read the Bible

Read a church related article

Write thank you notes from the week

Write birthday cards for the upcoming week

Isn't that a great idea?! My sister pretty much rocked my New Year's resolutions when she shared that with me. This way everything is completed before my week officially begins so I don't have to try to make sure I remember throughout the week. I am super stoked about this addition! Oh and since she stole it from her friend and I shamelessly stole it from her and posted it on the WWW feel free to steal it from me. I am starting this on Saturday for this week since I will be in Zumba training all day Sunday but who cares! The point is I am developing a new habit. A habit that will benefit me for YEARS to come!

Thank Goodness!

Call me Scrooge if you want but I am so happy the holidays are over. Don't get me wrong...I love the holidays but it jacks everything up. As we all know, I LOVE and cling to my schedules so when it gets messed up I have no idea what to do with myself. I wander around aimlessly hoping that maybe...just maybe...I will remember to do all of the things that I am supposed or wanted to do. No such luck. In addition, I was moving so I got completely off track from everything including working out. I was disappointed I was "that" girl but what can you do, right? Anywho, that's why I am glad it is back to normal. Not only did I work out with Boyfriend today but I did 2 hours of cardio between doing a trial class for the Ballroom Blast that I start teaching at Express MiE in 2 weeks. Me-o-my am I excited! I love teaching exercise classes! My Zumba training is this Sunday and it feels like I have found my true calling in life. I love love love helping women feel better about themselves.

Okay...I'm going to let you in on a little secret...I...um...I'm going to get my personal training certificate as well as my group fitness certificate. The only thing stopping me? Cash. It's like a $1,000 to do both so I kinda need more of a job first. Maybe I will save all of the money I make from the studio and put it towards it? I haven't put a lot of thought into figuring out all of the logistics but I really feel like I would be good at training...at least on a part time basis. Again...still in the planning stages.

Boyfriend and I have picked up a hobby. Kind of unexpected actually. My Mom gave us Rummikub, which I freaking LOVE for both the memories I have from playing as a kid and because it is...well...fun, for Christmas so we played it New Year's Eve (riveting, right?). We also played Scrabble. Let's just say that we are completely and utterly hooked. We don't really watch TV so this offers us entertainment as well as the fact that is it mentally stimulating. That is a huge help for me right now with not having a whole lot going on in that department. Just call us the definition of nerdy.

I think I know what job I want. I'm not 100% sure but it has the PERFECT hours for what I want to do with the rest of my time. I don't want to jinx anything so I am going just say that for now. Wish me luck!

Happy New Year!

Sorry folks...I am a bit late documenting my major goals for the year because I was busy drinking some lovely wine at a really good friend of mine while talking, watching the Rose Bowl and shooting a potato gun (which was quite fun!). I think I was miss a good dose of socializing. It is different being with family is it is being with people who don't have to love you but do anyway. I really do have the greatest friends on the planet. Anywho...that's not the point of this post...what's the point again? Oh yeah...my resolutions of 2011. You guys ready? I'm committing them to the written word.

2011 New Year's Resolution #1: Send out thank you notes and birthday cards. I love getting them so I why not pass the love on. It doesn't really take too much to do it either. I have boxes and boxes of cards so the only cost would be stamps and the rewards are unending. I've already written and sent out my cards from Christmas. I kinda loved it.

2011 New Year's Resolution #2: Run 5 miles per week. Boyfriend and I are doing this one together. We are aiming for 1 mile per day Monday - Friday but if we miss day we have to run extra the rest of the days. Gross, huh? This one was brought on because we were running on a daily basis until around Thanksgiving when we let life and moving and all of that bog us down. We felt waaaaaaaaaay better then so we are going back to that.

2011 New Year's Resolution #3: Write and follow a weekly meal plan. We have been doing this one for about a month or so and this one helps us on several levels. We don't ever have to worry about "what's for dinner". It is such a nice feeling to look at the menu at the beginning of the day, pull the meat out of the freezer if need be and then when we get home we make it together. That's another thing I love about boyfriend. We work really well together both making and cleaning up dinner.

2011 New Year's Resolution #4: Make a quilt for the California king bed (finally). For some reason I have this infatuation with making a quilt. There is no real rhyme or reason behind it except for maybe the fact that my grandma used to always make quilts. It was a common occurrence to walk into her house and to see the quilt stands all set up with a quilt in the works. I miss that about her. A lot. It seemed like every time I went over there it was a different quilt. I also love the look of a quilt on the bed. I love seeing it at other people's houses as well. SIL and I have been talking about this for ages. This is the year that I am finally going to make it happen. The only problem? What colors?! Ah! I can't move forward until that is decided.

2011 New Year's Resolution #5: Learn to crochet. Not once but twice I when I was in Utah I was completely blown away...once by my sister and the other by my cousin. My sister was wearing the most amazing hat ever. You know where she got it? She made it. Un-freaking-believable. My cousin? She made me the most beautiful scarf ever. I couldn't believe it! I'm not super concerned with being an expert but I want to get going in the right direction.

2011 New Year's Resolution #6: Make 2011's Christmas a homemade Christmas. It doesn't have to be like I physically nail the boards together to make a frame but I have to do some kind of modification aside from throwing a picture in it. This one I have to start...well...now. I don't want to be crunched at the end of the year. I loved getting the scarf from my cousin. Not only was it beautiful but it was completely functional. I'm pretty stoked about this one!

Well...that's it. My 2011 New Year's resolutions. I can't wait to get going on these. Also, I am going to print these bad boys out and post them in multiple locations so I see them on a regular basis. Boyfriend and I already mark what days we work out, which I really like doing, so maybe I will do the same thing for my goals. Maybe? Who knows...all I know is...Here's to a fantastic 2011!