Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I'll Do It Tomorrow...No Really...I Will Part II

Back on schedule. It's 6:00am and I can't sleep...again. I think I was secretly hoping that by writing about it I would magically break the spell. No luck. I guess it is time to talk about procrastination...again.

If there was an award for the world's worst (or best?) procrastinator I would win it hands down. I have written countless blog posts about what a procrastinator I am and how I'm going to stop ASAP. The problem is that ASAP turns into tomorrow and we all know what tomorrow often turns into, at least for me...never. I can't stand it anymore. I seriously can't. I think procrastination is like so many other nasty habits that people commonly have to overcome. For example, over 2 1/2 years ago I weighed over 200 pounds and was tired of looking how I looked, feeling how I felt and living how I lived. I had felt that way for years but something was different that time. I was DONE done. I had to change and come hell or high water it was going to happen. I did it. I lost a lot of weight and kept it off...minus this whole pregnancy thing but that is a bit of an extenuating circumstance.

Another bad habit that I had to overcome was my perpetual disorganization. If you have followed my blog you know all about that journey too. I had to finally admit it to a friend who helped me get started on being organized and helped to give me some tools to stay that way. It was then my hard work and persistence that has kept me that way. I have now reached the point where it gives me anxiety to have the house in disarray. I know some modifications will have to be made once the baby starts to become more independent but I have also talked to a lot of people that have said that it can be quite realistic to both have kids and to still maintain a clean home. It's all about what you teach your kids. Easier said than done I am sure.

The reason I bring both of these examples up is because I conquered those bad habits so I know I am capable to beating my chronic bad procrastination. I hope that, as was with both of the other bad habits I just brought up, I have actually reached the point of being done enough to finally make the changes that need to be made. That's the other part of me that I have really gotten to know. I can want something but that doesn't necessarily mean that I want it bad enough to actually put the time and effort into doing what I need to do to make it happen. Are any of you like that?

After I wrote yesterday's blog post about the chalk board I really started thinking about all of the things in my life that I have waited and waited and waited to do but have never just buckled down and done. The funny thing about most of the items on my list is that they would take no time to do. We're talking less than 30 minutes each. So...that leads me to "what am I going to do about it". I am going to start a list as soon as I post this of as many items as I can think of that I have been procrastinating on and am going to finish one item everyday until it is done. I am going to allow for 2 days a week that I may not get something done and that is okay. I'm not perfect and that is totally okay.

You all know I love quotes and for those of you who follow me on Facebook you know that I periodically post quotes that really strike a cord with me and today's was so fitting for both my life and this post so I decided to share it here too.

"It's so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to." ~ Annie Gottlier

I guess that is what it really takes. I need to WANT to stop procrastinating and I need to want it bad enough to do something about it.

Monday, July 25, 2011

My Weekly Recovery

For some reason my Mondays have become my recovery days. I have no idea why but I've taken to having a really hard time falling and staying asleep. A lot of pregnancy books and websites blame that on being pregnant which I can definitely see but what doesn't make sense is the fact that on Mondays I sleep the best that I have all week and usually until late morning or early afternoon. That's right. Late morning or early afternoon. It makes me feel like a teenager again. Don't get me wrong...I'm not complaining because I really need the sleep but why can't I just spread it out a little bit? Maybe it is one of those things that my body keeps going until it just can't go anymore and then it drops off into a deep and meaningful sleep only to wake up and do it all over again the next week. If so, that is so not cool. Oh well...it is what it is. At least I am getting one day of really good, really restful sleep. For that? I am extremely grateful.

I unintentionally have started church shopping again. It's not that I don't love The Grove but there is one particular pastor that has started preaching a lot more that I'm not a huge fan of. He's a really great man but I don't like his personal philosophy. I often leave sermons that he preached on really only getting out of it that, no matter what, if you pray about it you will get it. His examples? Free, fresh eggs. A free coat. Just mainly free items. Maybe it is just me but I reserve asking God for really big things like...well...a healthy baby. I could care less about a coat. Anywho, that is not the point of my story. My point is I attended a church that a couple of people I know attend. You ladies know who you are. The church is off of Elliot and Power. As I sat down in the crowd I was struck by how big the room was and yet how intimate it felt. I liked that a lot. The worship pastor was really good too. That part is super important to me. Singing makes me feel close to God and when that part feels stagnant it is hard for me to connect spiritually to the rest of the service. The best part of the service, in my opinion? When the worship pastor had us think about what we were grateful for.

Gratitude. Wow. I haven't thought a whole lot about that lately and quite honestly while I was sitting there I was really struck by how grateful I am for my life. There are some things that I wish were a little different or that had happened in a different order but the fact remains that God has been very generous with me. Once upon a time I was going to make a chalk board that I could write things that I was grateful for as they happened but that somehow made it to the back burner and never happened. Time to fix that problem. The good thing is they now have a chalk board spray paint so I can turn anything I want into a chalk board. Time to keep my eyes out for something really awesome. I would love a really long skinny something that would fit perfectly on the wall next to the back door, in the main room we spend time in. Crap. It can't be too long because we're having a baby soon and babies turn into toddlers and toddlers have go go gadget arms that would rip something like that right off the walls.

I realized last night that coming this Thursday I am entering my third trimester of being pregnant. Third of 3. The final chapter. Holy cow. How did that happen?! This baby could, quite literally, be born any day now. Oh my gosh. That made my throat close up a little bit just thinking about it.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Gut Bomb...BOOM!

For the most part He Who Has Yet To Get a Suitable Nickname/Boyfriend and I eat quite healthy. We limit our sweets and try to not eat out very often. Well...today we got the pleasure of celebrating with one of my brother in laws as he graduated with his masters. Very exciting stuff if you ask me. My sister very smartly organized the after party at a restaurant and ordered appetizers for everyone. I should have just left it at that. Instead He Who Has Yet To Get a Suitable Nickname/Boyfriend and I ordered something in addition. Granted we split a chimichanga but still. I now feel like I want to die. My body hurts. The food is just sitting in the bottom of my stomach like a bomb waiting to go off. We literally came home and crashed out on the couch for like an hour and a half. I couldn't move. My eyes hurt. My joints hurt. My fingers were/are so swollen that my ring was tight on my finger (it normally isn't at all). I was so uncomfortable I couldn't sleep. I felt/still feel so gross. My desire to eat anything else beside fruit went straight out of the window. All He Who Has Yet To Get a Suitable Nickname/Boyfriend could talk about was how on Earth people eat like this on a regular basis. Seriously. I want an answer for that. 

There are people everywhere that eat out all the time. How does their body not hurt? Is it something that your body just gets used to? That must be it. I guess I used to eat a whole lot worse when I weighed a whole lot more but it is hard to remember that now that I have changed so much about my eating habits. I want so badly to take eating all of that back but it just isn't going to happen. I did the crime and this is my time. Definite lesson for the future. Hopefully I'll actually remember next time...

To try to make up for an afternoon of bad choices we headed out to go fishing. I'll post pictures later (the cord for my camera stopped working). It was a warm but beautiful night with a light breeze blowing through. I fished for about an hour before it got too windy and I needed to take Roxy back. My little one-speed beauty doesn't do so well in the wind. She bogs down big time. Can't wait to go fishing again now that we were given fishing advice by the locals...use hotdogs as bait. Didn't see that one coming...

Friday, July 22, 2011

Nesting Nesting Nesting

Nesting has officially, officially started. As I wrote yesterday, I did most of the guest bathroom downstairs except I need to finish a picture for the wall behind the toilet, which I'm going to finish tonight, and then today I did a little bit of shopping at the most magical place on Earth, Rod Works, for some stuff for the spare/baby bathroom. That room is about 80% finished. All that is left is wall decor (mostly hanging what I already have), organizing the cabinets, and buying hand towels. I'll take before pictures of that room too and post along with the pics from the downstairs bathroom. After the upstairs bathroom is the guest bedroom. I've got a ton of parts and pieces for it ready to go but some of it requires help from He Who Has Yet To Get a Suitable Nickname/Boyfriend. He works so hard and I have a hard time demanding too much of his down time for stuff that is less than exciting in his book, you know? I need to take pictures and post them of that room too. Now that I think about it though...I guess there are some things that I could be working on like the bedspread. Hmm...oh and the babies room. We've worked on it a little bit but I'm waiting for a couple more months before I unveil anything there.

So...here's the deal. I *know* I shouldn't be worried about this but as much as I don't want to be I am worried about it...gaining too much weight for what is healthy in a pregnancy. I'm so obsessed, in fact, that I actually went online and found a weight tracker to make sure that I haven't gained too much or too little for where I am at in the pregnancy. The good news is I'm right on target. The low end even but for some reason it didn't bring as much peace as I had hoped. I mean...it made me feel good but it was a very short lived feeling. It made me realize how I am still so dysfunctional in my whole self worth category. I knew that in my heart but for some reason I was trying to fool myself in my head. Pregnancy is good at showing you your short comings. This exact problem has manifested itself over and over and over again but I kept pushing it down. Poor He Who Has Yet To Get a Suitable Nickname/Boyfriend was usually the victim of my freak outs. Somehow it always turned into him not being attracted to me even if he never did or said anything to provoke it and I usually found some way to twist something he did or didn't do to fit my reasonings.

It is so bad that I find myself thinking about how I am going to get all of this weight off of me when things are said and done. The relentless thoughts about permanent damage are also at the forefront of my worries. It's somewhat hard to enjoy where I am at when I am so concerned about where I am going to end up. It's that "living in the present" thing that I always have a hard time with mixed with jacked up self esteem.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

How Do They Do That?!

I'm pretty much the definition of exhausted. Happy but exhausted. As seems to be the case lately, I didn't sleep well last night and then watch a friend's kids all day. That in and of itself can be an exhausting task but then add on the pregnancy and I'm beat. I'm not sure how my Mom did this with 6 kids or my SIL with 2 or my sister with 2 or my other sister with 1. It's freaking tiring.

I was able to get a lot done though. Grocery shopping. Decorated the guest bathroom (I'll post pictures tomorrow). Did some cleaning. Hit the pool. Made it to a step class. Had SIL and her family over for some super yummy ribs. It's left me on the verge of passing out. I fact...I think I may just do that now since tomorrow holds a giant to-do list and lots of fun yet to be had.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

THE BIG ONE

Here's the post that I have been DYING to write but didn't want to do it with a big rain cloud over my head. The best part of our trip to MN happened on July 3rd. We started the day kinda early (like 10) and headed to Jay Cook State Park. The thing about the state park was that the whole MN government was shut down due to budget arguments so we had to park at the gate at hike into anywhere we wanted to go. We wandered around a couple different places and even got a chance to see a wild porcupine which, by the way, are HUGE! We then headed over to one location, an outlook, that Boyfriend's friend, E, said we HAD TO SEE. When we got there I was looking around when E offered to take Boyfriends and my picture. With scenery like that, of course, I said yes. As we were about to pose for the picture Boyfriend grabbed me by both shoulders, shook me gently and said, "Kathy, I love you very much." Me, trying to be consious of E waiting take our pictures, said, "Okay...I love you too but...we gotta take a picture." Then...Boyfriend dropped to 1 knee.

Yes...he dropped to 1 knee. I was SPEECHLESS! I have no idea what he said after that but I said YES! It was so awesome to have someone witness it too. I was/am so excited! Also since we were on vacation we were able to keep it a secret for a while and enjoy just being engaged. We haven't and aren't going to make any plans until after the baby is born which is a huge relief because having a baby is pressure enough without adding a wedding on top of it, you know? Oh so that also means that he has been upgraded to the nickname of Fiance...wait...I don't really like the sound of that word. It sounds pretentious. Future husband? Love of my life? Greatest guy on the planet? I'll have to think about bit more on that but for now here are some awesome pictures for you to enjoy. The last one was my excited/awkward pregnancy pose.




Monday, July 18, 2011

How To Be A Friend

The friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away. ~Barbara Kingsolver

I've written A LOT about friendship over the past couple of months and have to say I got a major lesson in friendship while in MN as well as another one today.

Let's start with MN. The couple we went to visit was one of Boyfriend's best friends in the whole world and his wife. Here's the thing...his friend sent us an email a couple weeks before that said, "be on the lookout for a package from us". I thought that was kinda weird because we were going to be there soon but whatever, you know? A week later the entire stroller travel system we registered for arrived. Here's the thing...we hadn't told...well...really...anyone that we had registered for our baby stuff. That means that he and his wife searched every possible site to register at until they found our registry and then they got us the exact one we wanted which was expensive. I was speechless. As you all know, stuff doesn't matter to me. It was that they went above and beyond so make sure that we knew they were thinking about us. That was just the beginning.

When we arrived in MN it was automatic comfort right from the start. I was the newcomer and yet I never felt like it. We had nothing really planned and just went from day to day deciding what we wanted to do. Watching Boyfriend and his friend really opened my eyes as to what friendship really is. No amount of distance can really get in the way of a really solid friendship. There were times all of us just want comfortably quiet together and other times that we talked all night. We were together for 6 days straight and we never got tired of each other. So much laughing happened. It was amazing. I was really sad to leave.

When I got back though is when things really changed. I really looked around and realized how grateful I was that all of those "less than" friendships walked out on me. They saved me. I was left with only the people that really matter. I also realized that the women from Express MiE are a whole more supportive then the "less than" friends I had. Time to embrace what is actually going on in my life instead of being bummed out over the "less thans".

Today I got another reminder about what friendship is really about. I was at the studio tonight but tied up when someone (you know who you are) stopped by to drop something off for me. I haven't seen this gal in a long time but she took time out of her day to bring me a beautiful card with a beautiful note to congratulate me on my baby to be plus an awesome gift just for me. I was stunned and grateful and absolutely, positively blown away. That is what life is about. Doing things out of the goodness of your heart. I wish I would have gotten a chance to see her as I haven't seen her in a long time. Oh and this is the quote that was on the card.

Until I was a Mother,
I never truly understood
the miracle of life...
like how a hand could be so tiny
and how a cheek could feel so soft
to my kisses...
and how a little head
could smell so good
and feel so warm against my face.
Until I was a mother,
I never truly realized
that a tiny baby
could fill my heart with so much love.
~ Lee Franklin

Isn't that beautiful?!

I'm BACK!

I can't believe it's been so long since I last blogged. I'm pretty sure this is the longest hiatus I have taken since starting this back in January of '09. It started as not wanting to take away from my vacation and then I got back and had so much to write about that I didn't know where to start and then I got a little depressed with life and didn't want to cloud the awesome things I had to write with a giant rain storm so here I sit 2 weeks later with more stuff to write about then I could possibly do in one post. It's time to just start. I'm going to save the extra exciting stuff for later but for now it is just catch up.

Last week was the adjustment of teaching even less than I have for months. I was sad. I miss seeing the girls. I miss being so active. That's when SIL saved me. We are joining a gym together. I worked out a couple of times and the difference it made in my heart was monumental. I felt more motivated to work on stuff at home. I felt more hopeful. This is something that I got away from when I started seeing boyfriend. We used to work out together but now with the whole pregnancy thing it has really limited what I am able to do. It became depressing to not be able to keep up anymore so I stopped altogether. Working out with SIL helped me to remember why I love to work out. It changes everything about me. My attitude being the biggest part. It has even made me start to eat better which is hard for me with some of the limitations that have come up with pregnancy like an inability to eat lettuce. That breaks my heart because I love salad. Back to what my Mom always says about pregnancy..."It's only temporary."

Part of my new motivation was doing some reorganizing in the house. I was living in the huge funk and needless to say, I didn't get a whole lot done. It's time to change all of that. Boyfriend and I had a very productive "date night" on Friday that included us detailing all of the cars as well as putting together our new, child proof entertainment center plus I reorganized under the kitchen sink, the pantry and cleaned out of the fridge. That's the most I've done in a while. I've been having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning and have been going to sleep early too so hopefully this rediscovered hope will help me keep going. Today I get to teach at the studio so no gym for me and tomorrow I am watching a friend's kids so I need to work out early in the morning before they arrive or after they leave tomorrow evening. It feels so good to be at it again! I missed working out at the gym. It's also so much different from teaching. When I teach it isn't about me. It's about my students. I want them to get the best workout possible. The added bonus is I get extra exercise too but the fact remains that me teaching is about everyone else. When I go to the gym it is strictly about me. It is about my goals. It is about my limits. It is about me and only me. I was really missing that.

As far the changing my eating goes I got a little lazy/worn out there for a while. I didn't really make dinner at night so we ended up eating a whole lot of whatever. The same went for breakfast and dinner. All of that is changing. Lunch has been cottage cheese, a few pretzels and a piece of cheese. I would love to add a fruit or veggie but I am so nervous about doing it. They are the things that seem to be giving me the biggest problems. I'm already adding soy shakes with banana and strawberry back into the mix so I think until I figure out whether those bother me or not I am going to leave changes beyond that for another week or so. Introduce things carefully if you know what I mean. Then again something that works one week may not work the next and vice versa. That makes me a little grateful that I am getting so close to my due date. A lot of those limitations will *hopefully* go away and I can get on with the whole getting myself healthy thing. I'm ready to be a Mom and take on this new and exciting life just waiting for us and yet...baby JD is still in the cooking phase. It would be really bad if he were to come now. It's not time and I need to stay present and enjoy all of the kicks inside of me for now.

I have a little secret that I haven't really shared with too many people that because of some encouragement I've gotten from SIL I think I want to verbalize now. I want to become yoga instructor certified. EEK! It all started when I was looking into taking a prenatal yoga class...there were barely any available and they were only available at times I wasn't available. I don't have a very busy life right now so that really says something about now unavailable they were. Plus they were all super expensive. What is it with everything costing so damn much?! Plus after I have the baby I would LOVE to be able to include him in my workouts at least a little bit. How fun would it be to teaching a baby and me yoga class?! Study after study shows that you are your kids biggest influence about there future health habits so why not start in the first year? Plus I found a school that allows you to utilize government financial aid. Even better!

Well...that's all I going to write for now. Be on the look out later today or early tomorrow for another post or two or three. I told you...lots of catching up to do.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Ah...Vacation!

I pretty much love Minnesota. There is something about being in a place with actual seasons that just puts my heart at ease. I can't wait to tell you all about it and show you lots of amazing photos but there is still a few more days of fun and vacation to be had. Oh and the Fourth of July celebration we are going to tonight is going to be so awesome! I can't wait! Happy Independence Day everyone!

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