Already? and Only!

Today is kind of a big day for J and I. Today is the one year anniversary of our first date. Hard to believe that we have only been together that long but we are so close to being an official family and yet time has literally flown by....we've already been together for a year?! There are days when I am just in complete and utter awe that out of all the women in the world he chose me. I couldn't have asked for a better match for me. I am so blessed and I think it is time to count the ways.

1. Nobody makes me laugh as hard as he does
2. He is such a hard worker
3. He loves and gets along with my family
4. My family loves him
5. He is smart
6. He has a great attitude
7. He takes care of himself
8. He is appreciative
9. He has a great family
10. He is going to be the best Dad on the planet
11. He is kind
12. He is considerate
13. He is supportive
14. He is a great listener (most of the time)
15. He is fun to be around
16. He is dedicated
17. He is my biggest fan
18. He is honest
19. He is loyal
20. He cares about everyone
21. He is helpful
22. He is clean
23. He is one of the only people that can always make me feel better
24. He is strong
25. He is my best friend

This list could keep going on and on and is in no particular order. I guess I could have just summed it up with...he ROCKS!

Not a Dry Eye in the House

I am so overwhelmed by the awesomeness of today. I have the absolute greatest friends and family in the whole wide world. SIL, who organized and hosted the whole baby shower with the help of my Mom, sister and other sister-in-law, picked the best games! The second game SIL chose started with her presenting a roll of toilet paper. For a second I was like, "oh my gosh...I hope we aren't playing the measuring game." She passed the roll around and told everyone to take some. No specification as to how much. That left people deciding on their own. Some took a lot while others took just one square. When the roll reached the end she presented the rules of the game. Everyone had to share one piece of advice for every square they took. People immediately broke out in laughter especially those that took a lot. We started at one end of the room and worked our way around. I, like a busy student, wrote it all down. There were some duplicates to the list so I didn't include those below but I got some excellent, excellent advice. Read below...

Take one night a week for myself
Make sure you always thoroughly clean his "you know what" so it won't get infected
Always say I love you
Don't be afraid to feed him
Let him sleep
Listen to everything he says...even the crazy stories because that teaches him that I listen
Write down all of the cute things he says
Celebrate his victories
Protect myself when changing him so I don't get peed on
Don't hold him over my head after feeding him
Dance with him
Play with him
Sing to him
Talk to him
Listen to him
When he does something wrong make him apologize for what he actually did
Teach him to lose gracefully
Let him cry sometimes, it won't hurt him
Give time more than gifts
Tell him I love him and don't ever stop
Be his mom not his friend...he'll have enough of those
Lips bleed a whole lot so don't let it scare me if he hurts himself
Tell him I'm proud of him all the time
Give him hugs everyday
Don't judge him and allow him to become who he is
Boxes often make better toys then the toys themselves
It's okay to take the batteries out of annoying toys
Do something for myself everyday
Encourage individuality
Be involved but don't be a helicopter mom
Hug him when he's happy, hug him when he's sad, hug him all the time
Say I'm sorry when it's necessary, it teaches him that I make mistakes too
I'm in charge for now but don't be afraid to listen to his opinions too
Teach him another language and expose to him as much as possible
Always focus on the positives because there is enough negative in the world
Heartbeat sounds will help him fall asleep
Support him at all times
Always read bedtime stories
After all the advice from others is said and done trust myself, I know what is best for him
Explain myself. His learning starts from the very beginning
It's tempting to put a lot of focus on the big stuff but remember to take time to enjoy the small things, those are what he will remember
Make sure he sees me express my love for Jason
Make sure he sees my love for my work
Let him see my joy in creativity
Don't over-schedule him
Have fun
Play outside
Nap while he is napping
Make play dates
Take lots of photos
Finger paint
Cover your light sockets
People will judge me so don't allow it to bother me
Don't be afraid to ask for babysitting...J and I need time to ourselves too
Learn to not sympathy puke
Time out is not just for kids
Be ready to dish out any discipline I threaten...I'll have to follow through with it
Things can be replaced but if you really don't want it broken then put it away

Isn't that a great list?! I'm going to have to find a way to memorialize that list somehow where I will be able to see it on a regular basis. There was one person's advice that I didn't include above because she deserves her own section...my Mom. She was scheduled to share her advice partway around the room but when we got to her she asked to go last. I'm glad she did because I can't see anyone trying to follow her up. When she started she shared a story first.

In the game of your baby's life you are going to have several rolls. First, you will be the quarterback. You'll be on the field running the plays. Your baby boy better be where he's supposed to be when you tell him to be there. As he gets older, I will need to retreat to the sidelines where I will only get to play coach. I can give my advice. I can scream. I can even take him out of the games for a time out if need be but for the most part he is the one choosing the plays. At some point though I will become just a cheerleader. I can only stand and cheer on the sidelines. 

This is the part when my Mom managed to make every single woman in the room cry. She talked about what it was like to be my cheerleader and said some of the nicest (that's not even a good enough word for it) things anyone could possibly say about another person. My heart was so full. I hope everyone is lucky enough to hear the kinds of things that I heard today. Thank you, thank you, thank you to every single person that was a part of this special day.

Is it October 20th Yet?

I'm literally counting down the days until my baby boy is born. Not just because I am ready for him to be here but because my list of things that I want to do but can't quite yet keeps growing....bigger and Bigger and BIGGER it goes. I know it is part of the package but my body is in such a different place than it was just months ago. I'm ready to get back on the working out train without concern about anything I am doing causing harm to my baby. I'm literally dreaming about the day that I will be able to throw my running shoes on and head out. Or how about the silks class I have been dying to try? There is not a chance in hell they would let me in there with this bump.

I often left feeling like I am being held hostage in this body of mine. For example, there is nothing more that I would rather do tonight then to bury my face in a plate of sushi but alas...I cannot. Seafood isn't recommended as it is but raw is basically a pregnancy sin. *sigh* I told J that his main job after I have JD is to secure a delivery of sushi to my hospital room. He won't have to pick it up himself but he is responsible for making the arrangements. Oh man...I want some sooooooo bad! I'm wanting something from Blue Wasabi....mmmmmmmm. To help with wait I was thinking about making one of those paper chains where you tear off a link for every day that goes by but then it will never really be accurate so what's the point? My midwife said that once we hit 36 weeks then all is fair in labor and delivery so it could be in 6 days or it could actually be after my due date which would super suck. It would blow to tear off that last chain and then...nothing. I guess the reality is I want my baby boy to actually be ready to join the world but I would be totally okay if that was sooner rather than later. *sigh #2*

Tomorrow is my baby shower and it feels so weird to be going to a party in my honor. Well...really it is for JD but I am his vessel right now so the attention will be on me. I don't know why that idea makes me feel completely awkward. Maybe it is because we didn't do birthday parties besides family ones or anything like that growing up? I was okay with my surprise birthday party because, I'm assuming, I didn't know it was happening. Who knows. I'm just glad my family is respectful and won't be making me do any of those dumb games like "let's measure the pregnant girls belly and all guess how huge she is so she feels even worse about herself then she already felt." It will just be a group of women that I love being around all in the room at the same time. That makes me happy. Oh and the food sounds like it is going to be A-MAZ-ING! I'm all game for that!

Speaking of food, the other night I saw this blog post and wanted it really bad. Doesn't it look freaking delicious? Well...I couldn't justify going out and buying all of the ingredients I didn't have so I modified it and it was magical. J asked me to add it to the rotation. I posted it below for your enjoyment.

1/2 yellow onion
2 cloves garlic
1 lb ground chicken
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1/2 jar chopped marinated artichoke heart
1/2 jar spaghetti sauce
1/2 bag rotini
mozzarella cheese

Cook garlic and onion for 3 minutes. Add chicken, salt and pepper and cook until almost completely cooked. Add artichoke and spaghetti sauce and finish cooking until done. Top cooked rotini with chicken mixture and add mozzarella cheese to taste.

Um..."Health" Experts?

Lately I've been kinda lack luster in the thoughts department but today something got me all riled up. I mean super duper riled up. It wasn't the exact post per say but just the idea of "health" experts in general. Let's see...how can I put it? How about this? I am sick and f*cking tired of all of these supposed health experts splashing their expert advice all over the internet with more of an interest in discrediting each other then in really helping those that they are supposed to be trying to help in the first freaking place. Oh and I believe those that they should be trying to help would be the average American. You know the ones...those that may be trying to eat healthier and exercise in a way to bring them to a healthy lifestyle but may not know how. Instead? All of these experts are so busy trying to prove all of the other experts wrong while winning the approval of other experts so they can wave the flag of "I'm so much f*cking smarter and better than all of the other people who think that they are smarter and better than the average American who we are supposed to be trying to help."

Can you tell I'm aggravated? Seriously. I meet women on a daily/weekly basis that have finally given up on doing the "right thing" according to these supposed experts. One day eggs are bad for you and the next they are the best thing on the planet but wait...now the whites are the only good part but then again the yolk has stuff you need too. One day we are supposed to eat tons of fish because it's the new miracle food the next day you shouldn't do that because the mercury levels are too high and you may give yourself mercury poisoning. One day the acai berry is supposed to make your life magical and the next it is some big scam. How about eating chia seeds? Or...well...fill in the blank.

You know what else I hear from a lot of women? I hear how they are afraid/don't want to talk to these supposed experts because they don't want to be treated like they are stupid. That's the saddest part of all. These experts are so concerned with making other experts realize how smart they are that they have sent the message to the average folks that if they dare ask a question that the supposed expert doesn't agree with they will get the same treatment.

You know what I have to say? There is one and only one irrefutable fact about nutrition/health. That is the following:

If you consume more calories than you burn then you will, in fact, gain weight. Therefore, if you consume less calories than you burn then you will, in fact, lose weight. End. Of. Story. 

Here's the deal. There are a trillion different ways to get healthier. Who is anyone to judge anyone else or disapprove of the ways that one person may take? Let's take, for example, the HCG diet. I don't agree with it. I, personally, don't think it is a healthy way to go but if that particular diet is used as a jumping off point for another person to get healthy under the supervision of a doctor and that person doesn't put all weight lost back on once a normal diet is resumed then who am I to say that it is really that bad? Same goes for all the judgement over things like crossfit or even dancing. I had one supposed health expert go on and on and on to me about the classes I teach like Zumba. How "the students that take those classes just need to suck it up and go to the gym. It just takes more discipline is all." Really? And what exactly are those poor people going to do at the gym? You health experts can't even agree on the best way to do a bench press. And I'm sure it if was so easy to suddenly acquire more discipline then our country wouldn't have the weight problems that it is having. Here's my take on this whole argument:

If it is working for you then keep doing it. If it isn't then try something else. 

Also, we all have different bodies so we will all respond to things a little differently. We all have different tastes so we will all find different things exciting. There is no miracle anything. For example, I don't do heights. That means that rock climbing would be a terrible choice for me. If I were to do it could I get into shape? Of course. Would I enjoy it? Not one bit. Why do it then? Life was made to be enjoyed not endured.

Oh and you need to address why you are having the problem in the first place. Most people are overweight for a reason. Some may be okay with the fact that they are heavier. If so, then who am I to say they need to fix it unless it is causing a real health problem like degenerative disk syndrome or pre-diabetes. That's probably a much better mentality then many "skinny" people have. How many women starve themselves or limit themselves to 900 calorie diets to stay thin? How many beat themselves up mentally for "being bad" when it comes to food choices? How many can really look at themselves in the mirror and like what they see? All of it. Every bit. Even their thin lips (that would be me). Not many people can do that. Just because you lose weight it doesn't make you healthy. Were you eating to cover the pain? Did you have an overbearing friend who constantly told you that you were fat? Were you abused to the point of just wanting to disappear but you couldn't so you ate to make yourself less appealing to the abuser? Fix your hurt. Often if you fix that then the rest of the problem solves itself.

I going to share something very personal with you. I've struggled with my weight most of my life. That part isn't a secret but what I haven't shared is that when I was 16 I had someone who cared a lot for me suggest that I take diet pills and even bought them for me. I took them for months but nothing changed. Eventually that person told me that maybe I was just one of those people who would always be a little big and I should accept myself for who I was. I gained weight after that. I then yo-yoed up and down and up and down again over the next 13 years but always seemed to make my way back to 175 pounds. Even last year I was struggling with this. Then you know what happened? I finally addressed that I was hurt by being told I should take diet pills. Was I angry at the person who got them for me? Absolutely not. They thought they were helping me. Did I need to let it go to finally allow myself to move on? Absolutely. So I did that. I acknowledged that hurt, realized that I weighed exactly 175 pounds when I got told that I should just accept myself for who I was, a bigger person, and allowed myself to let it go. You know what happened after that? I kept my diet the same. I kept my exercise routine the same. I dropped 10 pounds in 2 weeks, another 10 pounds over the next month and stayed around that weight until I got pregnant...almost a year later. Address your hurts.

If all of the supposed health experts don't get their shit together and realize that they should be working as a team to get this country healthier then we, as a country, are going to hit the numbers that we are projected to hit. J is an insurance adjuster. He had to go to some meetings where it was presented that our country is currently 63% obese and that by the year 2030 that percentage is scheduled to increase to 84%. Instead of fighting over who is smarter we should be banding together to help anyone who wants to get healthy get healthy. Not preaching at them about their health like a bunch of people telling a person who smokes that it is bad for them. Of course they know the risks. The cigarette box has the warning posted on the side. Everyone needs to reach their own "breaking point". We should be there to encourage them and help them when that time comes not discourage them to the point of being completely hopeless. Plus are you really even an expert anymore if people stop listening to you all together?

 


Ugh...excuse me while I climb off of my soap box.

RAIN RAIN Please Don't Go Away!

The weather has been a little bit cooler lately which I LOVE!!!! It means that I feel like I can come out of hiding a little bit. This heat has seriously been wearing me down lately. In all honesty, I hate when people complain about the weather in the place that they choose to live whether it be cold or hot but the last couple of weeks I have been done and over it...a complainer. Last night though? I was granted the gift of going for a BEAUTIFUL bike ride. Roxy was so excited to be out! J and I decided to do a longer loop and when we were on mile 3 of the 6 mile loop the wind picked up and the rain started. It poured all the way home and we both loved it. I was a little concerned about getting sick so I stripped down and hopped in the shower the second we got in the door but other than that it was a magical night! Being outside and active makes my heart so happy! It is also so good for my relationship with J. We have had so much on our plates lately that I feel somewhat disconnected from him. Last night we talked the whole bike ride...rain and all. He really is one of the most spectacular people I have ever met. He is going to be the best Dad for our lil' JD. I can't wait to see him in his prime of being a father. In fact, that is one of the comments I LOVE hearing the most. People that know him will randomly say to me, "J is going to be the best Dad." That's an awesome thing to hear over and over and over again because my choice in partner was so different before. People wouldn't have said that. Now they can and they do.

Speaking of JD, he is coming soon! Tomorrow we reach week 35 of 40. That's not very much time left. I'm starting to freak out a little bit. Last night I had the craziest dreams about the kind of birthing ball we were going to use. The most interesting part of all of that is we never discussed a birthing ball so I have no idea where the dreams even came from. I also slept really poorly due to contractions. Yes...I said contractions. They are here and happening. My midwife said they would start happening more frequently as I progress in the pregnancy but they totally caught me off guard last night. I'm interested in seeing how my labor and delivery is going to go since I'm doing it naturally and by naturally I mean...no drugs...no epidural...no Pitocin... The plan is just me, J, my Mom, my Midwife and a whole lot of distraction. I'm making a labor playlist today and filling it with songs that will calm me down. I'm going to make sure my Ipod is completely charged so I can just plunk those headphones on and just breath my way through the pain. At this point I can only guess what labor/contractions are going to feel like and I'm not out to prove anything to anyone. My choice to go natural is only out of me not liking what the drugs can often do. Way more babies end up having to come C-section when a drugged delivery is chosen and that is one of the things that I DON'T want to have happen so I am going to try to do everything in my power to cut down the chances.

The "nesting" sensation has also hit full force once again. J seems to be also bitten by the nesting bug because we have been in overdrive working on finishing the house. This past weekend we super cleaned and organized the garage. We can now fit his truck, motorcycle and my car in the garage in addition to all of our outdoor stuff and a fridge. I really have to say that it is super duper satisfying backing my car into the garage instead of parking in the driveway. Today I finishing the guest room as much as it is going to get finished before the baby comes. I ultimately want a couple more changes but the financial means to do those ideas just isn't there right now which is okay. As long as J's parents have a place to sleep, which they will have, then all is well.

I better get my butt in gear...this day isn't going to start itself.

Ruff Ruff

I have a confession to make...I wish this wasn't the truth but it is...there is one group of people that I secretly judge. And when I say judge I mean harshly. It isn't cut and dry though. There are different levels of this group of people and I don't judge all of them. Just one very very very small section of them. Who are they? People with poorly behaved dogs. Not all people with poorly behaved dogs. If I can see there is a conscious effort being made to rectify the situation then there is no judgement. If I can see they are trying their best but are unsure where to go next but they still try to make whatever they are doing work even though they know, historically, it won't then I don't judge them. BUT if they do absolutely nothing whatsoever to make an effort to control their dogs behavior then yes...I am mentally judging them and not just for their dog. I generally categorize those kinds of people as lazy and inconsiderate. For example, our new neighbors. They moved in almost 2 months ago and brought with them a really big dog. I don't care about that fact. We have 3 big dogs. Just because someone has big dogs it doesn't mean anything. The problem? These family, who the mom of the family stays home with the kids, leaves the dog outside at all times and says and does nothing to stop the dogs CONSTANT barking.

And when I say constant barking I mean constant barking. This morning it started at 5:00am and continued through 8:00am. We get small spurts of reprieve but it always starts up again. Side note, the dog is always outside. I have a hard time understanding leaving a dog outside at all times in this state. Especially last week when we were having record numbers sometimes exceeding 115 degrees. That's so hot! I still don't judge about that though because I don't know the story behind the situation, you know? What I can't understand is two grown adults that are absolutely okay with letting their dog bark at 5:00 in the morning allowing their dog to disturb the ENTIRE neighborhood. I've taken walks where I have often heard the dog barking several street away. Let's just say that this could only be heard by the houses directly around it. If you were to square the space off and count the house behind, in front, on each side and kitty corner that totals 9 houses. Let's just say that in each of those houses there are only 2 occupants (though I know that isn't true). That would mean that this 1 couple is consciously allowing their 1 dog to affect the lives of 18 people.

Not once, remember that I am home a lot, have I or Jason, who works from home, ever heard either of these people try to correct their dog. It just barks and barks and barks and barks. I honestly don't understand it. If our dogs bark they get reprimanded and guess what? They stop barking. There have been a couple times where our dogs have been a little bitchy and we had to reprimand them a couple times and it humiliated me. I hate the idea of being the people who disturb everyone. Am I just oversensitive to it?

The thing is...dogs will be dogs. I get that but they also need to be taught manners the same as kids need to be taught manners the same as sometimes I need a reminder of how to act. I genuinely can't understand doing nothing about it. Absolutely 100% nothing. Not even a Shhh...because if they did I wouldn't judge them anymore because at least they understood that that kind of behavior isn't okay.

What do you all think about this topic?

My PooPoo Attitude

I realized something really sad today. I've lost a little bit of desire to keep this blog up. The even sadder part is it is a direct response to how I am feeling physically. I feel like a whale. A big, fat, giant whale. Yeah...yeah...yeah...I know I'm pregnant. I don't regret that at all. In fact, I have to say that the feeling of lil JD moving around in me is the most magical feeling in the entire world which he is doing right now. Sometimes he moves so much it feels like he invited friends over which it actually feels like right now as well. I guess I can't really explain my lack of desire...I want to get over it. I miss feeling like writing and feeling like I have something to say but I just don't feel like I have much to offer. Ugh...

Safety

It is so easy to get sucked into the world of safe. I almost did yesterday. J and I had plans to go to a friend's house for a BBQ and we intended to ride the bike...until...I got cold feet. The what if's started coursing through my brain. Don't get me wrong...I trust J's riding COMPLETELY. He has certain rules that he sticks with at all times like he won't drink and ride...at all. Some people are okay with having one beer or whatever but he won't touch anything. He won't ride if he's tired. He won't ride next to someone. He either speeds up or slows down until we are on our own again. He won't ride in thick traffic. He won't ride in foul weather. The list of rules goes on and on and on. That's the main reason I don't have a problem with him having a bike. I can't tell you how many times I've had women tell me that they would never let their husband have a bike because they don't think they are safe. I don't feel that way mainly because I can't imagine telling J he can't do something but also because I know he is far safer than most people out on the road. How is it I almost got sucked into the "it's not safe" zone? When I initially thought it my reasoning was "what if something happens and JD gets hurt? I could never forgive myself". I was clinging to that reasoning until I remembered what it was like with my step son the first time I let him walk in the parking lot without holding my hand or the first time he used the men's bathroom in a public place all by himself. I stood outside the door and paced. Back and forth I walked until he emerged 5 minutes (it takes little kids sooooooo long to use the bathroom) later. It seemed like an hour. I was gripped with fear the whole time. What if there is a pedophile in there? What if he can't zip his pants back up? What if the toilet is too tall? The list goes on and on and on. It's always going to be like that. I'm going to experience that same fear the first time JD goes over to a friend's house on his own or the first time he drive by himself or the first time he does anything on his own. The reality is anything can happen at any time. It could happen in the safest of situations. Then what would I be left with? A life led by fear and regrets of things I didn't do rather than things I did do.

I decided last night to not let my life be run by what if's or fear. We rode the bike. The ride over was a bit hot but the ride back was beautiful. We rode the long way home and were blessed with cool temperatures, nice scenery and hardly any other traffic. Fear didn't win. Memories did.